Herding Goats
by PlRATE
Summary: Loki has been suppressing his nightmares and mental troubles for years, but they break out when he climaxes after the events in The Avengers, causing him to break and lose control. The Avengers surprisingly take pity on him (or are forced to by Thor), and agree to let him stay on Earth until he is in control of his mind again. If Loki is a lord, why does he feel like a common Goat?
1. Synja (Denial Refusal)

_This story deals with mental issues. Therefore there are triggers, suggested graphic content (though most are hallucinations) and characters I made to fit and fill the story. No, this is not a oc/canon character shipping story. No, this is not a canon/canon character shipping story. It's not a shipping story at all. Just so you know.  
_

_I don't claim to be an expert in mental illnesses, but I do have personal and first hand experience, so I hope I am able to translate my meaning. This will be a long story, so buckle up for probable feels, anger and shock._

_Obligatory credits which have been added late:_

_I do not own The Avengers or any character from Marvel or other companies. The title picture is NOT mine, I am simply using it until I am able to draw one myself. The artist is karicykiro on tumblr, so please go give them credit for the wonderful image. I honestly have not read any other Avengers fanfictions or even many fanfictions at all, so if this story is similar to any other it I'm really quite sorry._

_Hope you enjoy. -Hades_

_I'm going to put the triggers here, so it doesn't ruin the chapter when it appears __**(I will add to this list when they appear)**_: 

* * *

**TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR:**

** EXTREMELY IMPLIED RAPE**

** MENTAL ILLNESS  
**

* * *

**Synja  
**

_Denial/Refusal_

Oh the seemingly endless torture.

He couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, the silver lining, and glimpse or shimmer of hope. There wasn't even a cooling blackness for him to sink into, no unconsciousness for him to retreat to. He couldn't close his eyes, as you can't close what is already closed. Eyelids screwed tight, they seemed to be made of glass, freezing, burning glass, showing the horrors that were in front of him, that were all around him, that were _inside_ of him. He heaved, trying to expel what felt like oil from his organs, only to have them slosh and sear his insides. He couldn't scream, he had no air in his lungs, he couldn't even breathe in, and yet he was still alive; alive to endure this pain. His clothes didn't protect from it either, they only seemed to double it and constrict his body further, the attractive coloured leather cutting into his skin where the cloth wasn't torn (and it was, ripped and soaked, tight and loose; a mess of clothes). His hair was dripping downward, seemingly much heavier than normal hair; droplets of oil falling from it as it curled around his face, a living breathing monster attached to his head, sending pain down through the scalp.

Pain wasn't even the right word for it. Indescribable pain doesn't cover it either. There is no word that has been made, or will be made, to describe what he was feeling and thinking. You'd think he would overpower it, "with all his strength", defeat it, and rule it as he had planned to the humans. But he couldn't, he was trapped in weakness, his powers stripped and his head blurred. He tried to escape into the back of his mind, block out, and barricade himself from the physical outside. Running closer he saw a light in the back of his head, and a sliver of hope tore through him, urging him to run faster than he had ever done before. His outstretched hand reached for the light, his weary face lighting up slightly. He hadn't felt this hopeful for an escape of pain since…

Then it was gone. Or, it wasn't. The whiteness had been a smooth surface, now it became more realistic, taking on the texture of coarse hair; a beard. He fell back on his rear, tears now openly pouring down his face as he looked into the face of his father, his furious, disappointed, hate-filled "father". He couldn't escape, not even in his mind. The whiteness overtook his body (well, his mental projection of his body), wrapping around him in tendrils and smells that he was all too familiar with.

He snapped his eyes open, screaming and vomiting oil. He just wanted to take a breath in, to feel cool air sooth his insides, but all that he got was the terrifying feeling of not being able to breathe, but still being able to live. His head was aching as he felt the conflict of his other-self inside, fighting with that… man. The pain in his skull only grew worse as two pricks of pain on his forehead burst outward in the shapes of decrepit horns, curling upwards. Rotting and frayed, but still holding together, they formed a essence of familiarity – the horns he had worn with pride now were a part of him, and they were so, so heavy. His head thunked to the ground, sending bolts of pain through his contracted and sore muscles. His neck cracked as he lifted his newly adorned skull, the weight causing his eyelids to droop, giving him the sight that was as if he was half under the water, or looking through half goggles.

A blurred, armoured figure approached. He begged through oil for help, but all that came out was more oil and garbled nonsense. The figure ignored him and bellowed inaudible insults, then a familiar hammer came crashing down on his head, splitting one of his new horns in two. The blow would have killed him, but that would be too easy and quick, instead it send wave after wave of paralysing shock down his skeleton, causing him to writhe and spasm, his clothes contracting. The figure leaned down close, and he looked up wearily into the figure's eyes, which were filled with hate and malice.

"Now who's kneeling?"

* * *

"We have to help him! He doesn't hear me!"

"Why should we help him? He tried to rule and/or destroy mankind, remember that? That was a thing that happened."

"Look, I agree with Stark for once, this… man, deserves whatever is going through his head right now."

"Thank you, Steve."

"Both of you be quiet, Thor is right, he deserves to be tried fairly with this new information of mental issues, not suffer unreasonable mental anguish. That and I'd rather see him in a cell suffering sanely than in a padded, soft room with blissful insanity."

"He tried to use you, Banner!"

"Didn't work out to well for him, remember?"

"Are any of you even listening?! Help me!"

"How can we help? All we can do is stand here awkwardly while your "brother" goes crazy."

"We do not have these troubles in Asgard; everyone's mind is relatively sane! Humans should know how to cure this, correct?"

"Yeah, it's called the loony bin."

"What was that?"

"A second ago you wanted him dead! Or second best, to rot in a cell! What made you change your mind?"

"I do not know, he looks so fearful of something we cannot see, and I feel the need to help him. He is still my brother."

"We have doctors for this, it's okay, Thor."

"Let us take him to them immediately!"

"How, exactly? Try getting close to him will result in him ripping your arms off."

"I will transport him, he cannot harm me."

"Bet you he does."

"I'll take you up on that."

"How much you got, Captain?"

"Boys! Quiet! Alright, Thor, I'll have Fury find the nearest secure place.

"So why aren't you taking him back to Asgard already?"

"We cannot fix him there."

"Then how do you expect to fix him here?"

* * *

The chain clung tightly to his neck, adding more weight to his upper body as he crawled, broken and bruised, towards the figure, his eyes to the ground in front of him. His clothes were more torn this time, leaving most of his body bare.

"Yes, Goat, good. Here is a reward."

His mouth was parched from the constant drooling and vomiting of scorching oil, and he longed for water, or any liquid that would quench his thirst. Expecting it, he raised his head, eyes weeping longingly. A fist came down and smashed his head back into looking at the ground, "Know your place, Goat." He sobbed, feeling boiling oily tears dribble down his cheeks and chin. "I'm feeling generous, so here you are Goat, something for you to drink." There was a scraping but he didn't dare look up, and a rusted pan came sliding into view. It was full of water, and his eyes opened wide as he dived down, cradling the pan and burying his hot face into it.

He quickly realised his mistake as new pain leaked through his face and ripped sleeves into his arms. He had failed to notice the wisps of steam coming from the water and the pan. He flung it away, feeling his skin peel and sizzle, even start to connect with his clothes, in reaction to the boiling objects.

"No! Bad Goat!" A solid kick came from nowhere into his ribs, and he curled around at an unnatural angle, feeling his rips scrape together, forcing him to collapse and lay in a fetal position on the ground, trying to cool his burnt skin with his natural abilities, because he hoped, he prayed, that they would work now, as they hadn't before. They didn't, and all he could do was lie still, not wanting to move as his severely burnt skin had fused with his uncharred flesh and clothes, and any movement could rip the two apart.

"Pick it up."

He turned his neck, creaking flesh and sad eyes staring at that horrible figure. "W-What?" He choked out, more oil flowing from his raw throat. It was the first time he had properly spoken, and even to him his voice sounded strange. It sounded pitiful, weak, and pathetic. Like he was at the moment. Not at all like the silver-lined silk it usually was.

The figure frowned, familiar anger taking over his features. "Goats do not speak." He whispered.

He tried to understand what the figure had said, but by the time he understood the boiling pan was already pushing his nose back into his skull with the power that only his brother could muster. In natural defence he tried to roll away, but it only served to tangle himself up in the chain around his neck, and rip his skin and clothes apart. Blood flowed from his new wounds, and from his nose. He expected it to be cool and nice; but once again, he had gotten his hopes up for nothing, as the blood also turned out to be scorching oil.

"Is that understood or not, Goat?"

He didn't dare open his mouth, instead only sobbed and nodded violently, feeling the digging of the chain around his throat and limbs. His brother was his ruler now.

* * *

"Can someone explain to me what is wrong with this previously arrogant and somewhat evil individual?"

"Here's the short story; he went crazy and then this."

"Too short for my liking."

"Listen to me, my brother is never like this, he is always in control of his mental abilities, even if they have bad intentions. He has never lost control. What is wrong with him?"

"I don't know, but if you really want me to I'll find someone who might know."

"Be quick, I will hold him here."

"Good luck with that, also keep that thing on his mouth, I'm actually kind of scared to hear what would come out of it if it were gone. His hands already seem to be explaining things enough."

"So you are leaving?"

"Hey, he's no concern of mine, and I have a city to rebuild, so bye."

"Farewell, thank you."

"I should go too, I can help Stark."

"See if you can keep up with me, wonder boy."

"Farewell, thank you too."

"I'll stay; I'm interested in what is happening."

"Thank you, doctor. And you?

"I don't have anything urgent that needs doing, and you might need help. I'll stay."

"I'm staying with her."

"And I'm getting the head doctor, so I guess I'll stick around for a while longer."

"Where are we?"

"An abandoned section of the northern forests above New York."

"What is this building?"

"It used to be a logging factory, now it's just dilapidated."

"Will we be staying here long?"

"You ask a lot of questions. And no, but until we can find a safer place for him, we will stay here. Now excuse me while I actually get the guy who's going to help."


	2. Reiði (Anger)

**Reiði**

_Anger_

There was no concept of time in this prison. Though, prison didn't seem to describe it. What was it the humans called something like this? Hell? Yes, that would do. He wondered about the concept of Hell. He knew it existed in his realm, he knew of Hel, the goddess. But it wasn't a torturous place, or person, she was actually kind of nice. But he supposed that mortals must have some "naughty corner" for the "bad" people of Earth. His attention dozed off across the floor, looking at the figure's feet.

The figure had since welcomed a partner, an older one. He recognised him of course, but didn't say anything and kept his eyes on their feet. They were talking, but he didn't bother listening, he shouldn't listen. Not his business, as he had been forcefully taught. He had long since given up breathing, as his body seemed to cope without it, though the sensation was still very peculiar to him. The only oil running from him now was when he moved a wound, coughed or was beaten, which he was, often for simple reasons such as _blinking too loudly_.

Collapsed on the ground he kept his eyes closed, pretending to be dead, but of course it didn't work; his eyelids were made of glass, so he could easily see, constantly. Another traitorous reason to prove he was alive was the random bursts of spasming and jerking occurring as he vomited up his boiling insides for the thousandth time. Of course he tried to keep these quiet so the figures would ignore him, but it never worked. It would break their conversation, and he would be punished accordingly. Sometimes they were gentle, or, as gentle as they could be, such as lifting him by his half-broken horns and slamming his face into their knees again and again. Then sometimes they were harsh.

Oh no. He could feel another spasm rising in his throat. No, no, no, no, his body was just starting to cool down, no, no, no! Without thinking, he grabbed his own horns and smashed his face into the ground, causing the bile to hiccup in his throat, burning it instead of pouring out of his mouth. The smash wasn't quiet though, and the figures looked at him. He coughed and shivered on the ground, anticipating the punishment. There was none.

"That pleased me, do it again, Goat."

He couldn't believe his ears, they… He thought about it for a second, but it was a second too long.

"I SAID, DO IT AGAIN!"

The larger figure grabbed his horns and picked him up, lifting him above his mighty head, held up only by his horns. His neck creaked horribly, not designed to be burdened by his entire weight like this. It looked like it threatened to snap, so he shrieked, "STOP!"

The figure paused, and then let him go. He fell to the ground, his head banging into the ground as he looked up at the figures, now leering and leaning over him. He gained some courage; they had no right to treat him like this. He was a king, a ruler. Not a peasant or pet. He was their equal, no, he was higher than them. They were trying to usurp their lord with pain and torture. They thought it would work! Hah.

"You will stop."

His voice came out surprisingly clear, as if the bile was retreating. He wobbled to his knees, then to his feet, breathing heavily, swaying, only tiny trickles of oil exiting his mouth and broken nose. The figures frowned and took a step back.

"This is not real. You are not real."

The words seemed to be exiting by themselves; he didn't even plan to say them. This could be real, why was he saying otherwise. It felt real, it looked real, and it seemed real, so why was he saying this? He was meant to be commanding them! His voice changed to that of a different man, and he was shocked.

"It's okay. It's okay. Calm down. This will help."

The figures cocked their heads, confused. He was too, he wasn't making sense, he tried to cover his mouth to stop the alien words from leaving, but they ran through his fingers. His hand fell to his side and he gasped, his head arching back, an icy cold was pouring down his throat. It ran down his throat, soothing his burns. It ran through his veins, slowing his heart and clearing his head. The figures started to warp and glitch, but became angry, trying to move towards him, but could only jerk and stagger.

He saw darkness for the first time, and he welcomed it, he closed his eyes and fell back, the cold smoothness running across his worn body. The ruler would rest.

* * *

"What did you do to him, human?!"

"I-I gave him a sedative!"

"How did you know that would work on him, he's not human."

"I could only guess, plus we don't have sedatives for non-humans-but-still-kinda-humans."

"That does not matter! Will he be okay?"

"If his wiring and chemical balances are somewhat human, then yes."

"… And if they aren't?"

"He-"

"No. He'll be fine, Thor. Just be happy he is sleeping, he looks like he hasn't slept in a thousand years."

"That may actually be correct."

"We can't leave him here; he needs to be moved to a secure treatment facility, after which he can return with you to wherever you came from."

"Won't he just destroy anything you put him in? Do we need to go over his track record?"

"No."

"To what part of my question?"

"Let me answer please, Thor. If this sedative works then we have a reliable way of keeping him calm and somewhat reasonable."

"Very well, I will allow him to be moved."

"What hospital would take him?"

"One that doesn't know him."

* * *

He didn't want to open his eyes; he would see the figures and the indescribable environment that he was in before. Wait. He could see blackness. His eyelids were closed, and they weren't glass! He allowed hope to sour through him, and smiled. He felt mentally exhausted, more so than he had in a hundred years. But physically… He frowned; he didn't feel tired, just held back. Restrained, both muscle-physically and actual physically. He didn't have his strength, he didn't have is abilities, he was as weak as a human! He could whispers behind him, edging closer from the darkness in his, promising pain and torment to "Goat" from the back of his head. Terrified, he snapped his eyes open, but he winced and grunted as an intruding white razed across his eyes. Taking a moment to adjust he blinked repeatedly, and the room came into focus. It was white, so white. It was the purest white he had ever seen, and it amazed him. It wasn't pearl or ivory, snow was too tame for this wondrous colour. He pondered about colours for a while, then caught himself. What was he doing? He was going on about colours. What was wrong with him? He tried to lift an arm, but found he couldn't. Shocked, and a little worried (as this means that they could get him, he wouldn't be able to run), he tested all his limbs, finding out that he couldn't move anything but his feet, hands, head and just wriggle his torso a little. He bent his head down to look at himself, and was both revolted and once again shocked, momentarily forgetting the figures.

Where were his clothes? Or, at least, his normal clothes? Why was he wearing this filthy human gown-like thing? True, it was the same pleasant white, but it was too… mortal. Stupid. He didn't like to use the word stupid as it seemed to unintelligent to, but this seemed appropriate. He tore his eyes from the stupid clothes, and looked at his restraints, finding they were simply tough cloth wrapped gently around his limbs and chest and attached to the bed he was in. Why was he in a bed? He wasn't sick. He wasn't tired. Well, he was, but he didn't need to be held down for a simple task like that, nor did he deserve to be. He looked around the rectangular room; he was in the centre of it, on a raised bed or platform. The phrase strange and unusual mortal ritual came to his mind, but he dismissed it and kept looking. There was one window, but he couldn't bend his neck enough to see out of it. The rest of the room was bare, except for a door at his feet and a table firmly bolted to the wall to the left of him. He was glad of the brightness in the room though, nowhere for them to hide. _Then again_, a voice whispered in his head, _it means you can't hide either._ He shook his head violently, trying to physically shake the thought away.

He licked his lips, checking himself internally to distract himself from his mind. He was no longer burning, he actually felt cold. "Hello?" He breathed out, testing his voice. Yes, it was his, if somewhat shaken and timid. He shook his head, and cleared his throat, "Hello?" He repeated, with more power and solidity in his voice. He was scared of few things in existence, so any mortal captors wouldn't bother him, besides, they would release and obey him, or die, to put it sweetly. They would also suffer for restraining his powers. He waited what seemed like eternity for a response, ears flicking slightly to pick up any sort of sound other than his own breathing and the creaking of the restraints.

It must have only been five minutes, but to him it felt like far too long; a tapping of footsteps could be heard, more than one person, came closer to the door. He tilted his head down to look at the door, a strand of hair falling on his face. Annoyed, he tried flicking it off, then blowing it. By the time he got it off the two people who had been arguing over something had decided on that something, and the door opened (after a few locks were unlocked, he picked up) and two people walked in.

It was his brother and a stranger. First he was scared, because of the angle of his tilted head he thought they were the figures, well, he knew his brother was one, but the other was new, so he wriggled and jerked to get away, breathing heavily. "Leave… me… alone!" He growled, shutting his eyes and preparing for punishment. There was an internal fight inside of him as one side of him yelled to roar at them and command them to kneel and obey their lord – the other side cowered and whimpered, knowing that the figures could probably change their shape and environment, just another sick game for them to play. He didn't like those games.

"Brother, it is alright, I am not here to hurt you!" His brother's familiar voice echoed through his ears. He didn't trust it; the figures had tried that tone of voice too. He growled in response, trying to get his meaning across without talking, so he wouldn't be punished for talking. Goats can growl, right? He was sure they could. Goats could also bite, he realised, and it wouldn't be wrong of him to do so; it would be an animal defending itself. He had a form of defence now.

"Quiet, Thor, I think he is just a little scared at the moment." The other figure spoke, a soothing voice, he liked it. But he was confused, if these were the figures, why would they act like this? Usually they didn't keep up the ruse for this long, and he would be vomiting and cringing in pain by now. He creaked his eye open, scanning the two. The smaller man seemed somewhat afraid of the larger, stronger man, as he should be, but he still kept a tone of authority, as though this was his place. His brother had concern etched so deep in his face he could have sworn it would be visible from the back of his head. Odd, for a figure. _They should listen to you, tell them so!_

Maybe these weren't the figures. He processed what they had said a second time. Wait, the small man had said he was scared. Scared!

"I do not fear you, insignificant human!" He bellowed far louder than he intended, the angry voice in his head exploding forth. It surprised both of them, the small man reaching inside his coat for something, while his brother took a step forward, reaching out his hand.

"Calm down, it is alright, you are safe here." The reaching man repeated his mantra of hopeful calmness to his brother, until his brother felt his anger fall due to some unknown source, and his words hit home. He sighed, and let his head fall against the pillow, looking at the ceiling. The voices were silent.

"Why… am I here? Why are we not we at… your home?" He questioned, not fully realising what he was asking, but a logical part of his brain was questioning, so he guessed he should ask. There was weariness permeating from his voice, echoing around the room. He was starting to feel somewhat rational and logical; it was soothing, though he was still tired.

"We do not have the treatments for you there, but the humans do. We will stay with them until you are cured." The man replied, concern also in his voice, it didn't suit the face that had recently smashed a boiling pan into his face, neither did the voice when he thought about it, he needed to be angry, yelling. This didn't feel or sound right.

But he was sick? He didn't feel sick. He felt fine. Just tired and woozy. But not ill. He doesn't get ill. "I am not ill," He said stonily, squinting at the ceiling, annoyed with the men, did he look sick?

The strong man swallowed, he could hear it. He must have glanced around because it took him a moment to respond, "Not physically, apart from a few cuts and bruises, but you will heal quickly."

He thought about it for a moment, but then it occurred to him, "You think me insane?" chuckling slightly, he thought it quite funny. Him, a man as great and powerful as himself, fallen prey to insanity? Pah, never! But a whisper in his head said otherwise, _you are crazy and you know it, you are scared of your own brother! That's just pathetic. Weak. But that seems to be happening a lot lately, the world and life harshly proving that you are weak._

The man was silent, so the small man joined in, "Not insane, Loki, just sick," they caught his attention with this new word, breaking contact with the voice and his mind. What was this new information? He went through what memories he had, skipping the painful ones. He had been born…

Loki. That was his name. It was powerful, he liked it.

"Loki…"

They looked at each other, "Yes, Loki, that is your name. Do you remember it?" The small man asked hesitantly.

Loki paused, going through his head to double check. Yes. His name was Loki. He was somewhat sure of it.

"Goat…" He whispered. Goat felt normal to him, Loki felt strange, but at the same time, almost like a memory, dying to be remembered and used.

"What was that? Goat? What do you mean?" The man asked, taking a step forward.

Loki shook that thought from his head, he would respond to Loki now, it was decided. After once again attempting to analyse the situation; he frowned, realising how this man was speaking to him, "Be silent," he snapped, bending his head to look at the other man. He squinted his eyes at his brother, "Thor… That… That is _your_ name." He spoke slowly, checking his words with mental memories. He knew he was his brother, but he had forgotten that the figure had a name. Well, this figure anyway, until he proved that he wasn't the other one. What if they had switched? What if his brother was the weedy one? What if this big Thor wasn't actually a… Frost Giant? Why did that come to mind? Why did that name cause fear in him…

Thor looked concerned, well, even more so, and approached the bed until he was standing over him. Loki saw this as an oncoming attack from the figure and flinched and cringed, making 'ahh' and 'please no' ramblings under his breath. He shuddered, already experiencing the actual pain in his head, Thor snapping off his horns and… Wait. His horns.

Loki paused from his ramblings and glanced at his forehead quickly, "Where… Where are my horns..?" He looked at Thor, but shook his head and cringed again, realising his mistake of talking. Stupid! How could he have fallen for the figure's tricks! He was supposed to know tricks! Mischief! Mischief! Mischief! Argh! He actually sort of welcomed the pain, he had been a fool. A weak fool.

Thor's heart was wrenching, his brother, a cowering mess before him, what could he have possibly seen to make him fear Thor in such a way? Why was he cocky and normal-ish one minute, and this… weak the next? What had broken him? Something in his own mind had been so horrid it had destroyed the brother he loved. Carefully, slowly, letting Loki see what he was doing, Thor lowered a hand onto Loki's tied down one, "Loki, dearest brother, listen to me. You do not need to fear me. I will not hurt you in any way. You don't have actual horns, only a helmet that you wear, remember?"

Loki squinted at his brother, "But…", once again he had spoken, and even though Thor said he would not harm him, he threw out, "IapologisefortalkinggodsmakeitquickIshallnotspeak !" and winced again. Fool!

Thor gritted his teeth; he could do nothing but stand and watch as his own brother's mind tore him apart. "Loki, Loki! You can speak! Talk to me, brother!" He almost shook the smaller man, trying to physically break the sickness from his mind.

Loki swallowed and opened his eyes, looking up in cautious fear. He didn't say anything for a moment, considering the possibilities. Thor could be lying, but he should be able to tell. That is what "Loki" is supposed to do, right? Thor could have carefully elaborated this plan to make him trust his brother, working up his hope, only to smash it to pieces again. No. He would not let that happen. No figures would win. Not against… Loki. He frowned furiously, opened his mouth, and bellowed at his 'brother', "Get away from me! I do not CARE whether or not you actually are sincere; I am NOT making that mistake again! Leave! Me! **ALONE!**" His face contorted into hatred, mixed with fear for his own life. He screamed at Thor until he could scream no more. He jerked his body, trying to either hurt or escape Thor. He didn't care about the punishment anymore, only to injure those who had so badly hurt him and his mind.

Thor could only stand, stunned, until the small man pulled him back gently, pulled out a syringe, and held down one of Loki's arms (though they were restrained, he was shaking them) and tried to soothe him. Loki wasn't listening, only intent on removing his captors, be it with force or words. Loki snapped and growled, almost biting the man's arm when it came close enough, much like a goat would. Thor was horrified, backing away into the desk, watching. The man eventually got Loki's arm still (thankfully the sedative he had previously given him had tired and slowed his body, so his above-human strength was all but gone) and carefully injected the needle into his forearm. Loki felt the cold metal invading his body, his eyes shot wide and he jerked to the side, almost breaking the needle off inside his arm. The man quickly pushed the plunger, ignoring the protocols of having to do it slowly, and pulled it out as fast as he could. Gasping, he backed up, scared.

Loki huffed, but was content that they had both backed off, so he let his head fall back against the soft pillow. He was still alert though, he would watch them, hear them, they wouldn't hurt him, they wouldn't… His eyes drooped, his body slowed, what had that man done to him? "I wi…n… what…" He murmured as he fell into sleep.

* * *

"What is wrong with him?! He has become a beast!"

"Not a beast, Thor! He is scared! I don't know what of though, but it obviously includes you. His mood swings are extreme though, is that usual for him?"

"Not that I've seen, usually he is calm."

"Next time he wakes up I'll go in by myself."

"Are you sure that's wise, doctor? He could hurt you."

"I know he could, but the more sedative he has, the weaker he will be."

"Not dangerously weak, I hope."

"No no. Just until he is taking medication will he be sedated, then the medicine will calm his mind and mood."

"Good."

"What about the others?"

"They are restoring the city."

"Are they going to visit?"

"I doubt it."

"I'd surprised if they didn't."

"What do you mean?"

"You'll see."


	3. Ógleði (Depression)

**Ógleði**

_Depression  
_

You'd think a forced sleep would be one without issues; it would simply be a black void while your mind and body repaired itself so it could wake up. Loki thought that too. Until he heard their voices.

"Goat."

Loki froze in his abyss, not opening his eyes; he knew what he would see.

"Goat, look at me."

He didn't want to, he didn't want to, he didn't want to.

"Goat, I said, look at me."

He creaked his eyes open, staring off into what should have been darkness, instead was that indescribable colour that was one he had never seen outside of this horrid place. In front of him were two figures. _Those_ two figures. The one who had spoken was Thor. Except… He wasn't. And neither was the other figure.

They were… Deformed. Thor's neck spiked at an odd angle, his face was the same white as the room he had just been in, and his eyes had no pupils or irises, just black, horrible, horrible black. His usually red cloak was tattered and dripping black liquid, which he assumed was that cursed oil. His chest plates were scoured and gleaming, but they had a kaleidoscope effect, which allowed a disturbing real view into his chest. He saw Thor's heart, warped and broken, thumping unnaturally, terrifyingly. The rest of Thor's clothes were ripped and torn, with oil dripping from the edges.

The other, older man was also changed, having various bits of flesh living and crawling in his now speckled and dirty beard. His eye was also black, with tiny streams of oil running down his pale cheek, but his eye-patch was gone, revealing an endless abyss of darkness, only broken by a single red speck. His jaw hung broken, only held by skin, teeth hanging out, some missing. He had horns sprouting out of his head, curled and menacing. His armour was also broken and bleeding oil. He was missing a leg, it looked like it had been torn off then the stump had been burned. He was only able to stand thanks to a sceptre. That sceptre… It looked familiar. Gleaming gold, pointed with swirling blue.

Loki stammered, trying to crawl away, but he heard thundering footsteps behind him and that familiar cold metal slipped around his throat, forcing him to stop suddenly. "You are going to stay with us, Goat. Until you learn," the older man caught Loki's eye, his jaw creaking and jerking terrifyingly as he talked. Loki whimpered, shutting his eyes and begging for it to end. He'll be good, he won't yell at the other, real Thor, he won't struggle, he won't- a jerk swung him face to face with the older man.

"What is my name?"

Loki trembled, licking his lips and swallowing, "I-I-I-" he choked out, trying to squirm free from the pain and terror.

"You know my name, Goat. **What is it?**" He started to growl, a normal human growl, but it slowly descended into something morbidly unnatural. Loki had never been so scared, he screamed and yelled and bucked and kicked, trying to get away.

Two strong hands clamped down on his ribs, forcing him to stop moving. He felt Thor's hot breath on his neck, and smelt death, Thor's mouth loomed next to his ear, and he could see it as it split open, revealing row upon row of pointed fangs, "What is his name, **_Goat?_**"

Loki felt horns breaking through his forehead again, curling upwards, one of them stopped short though, as it had been broken. He felt bile rising in his throat and leaking into his lungs and organs. He felt it enter him through Thor's iron grip on his ribs, pain snaking through his body and veins, that unimaginable pain.

"O…. Odin…." He whimpered, boiling bile already leaking from his lips. How did he know that name? He had recognised the face of course, but the name had eluded him. Where had it come from? Was there a part of him he couldn't remember?

"Good, Goat. Now, what _are _you wearing?" Thor smiled, revealing those teeth, and backing away, he released Loki.

Odin also released his adopted son, watching as he fell to the ground, arm twisting underneath him, and how he grunted in pain. Loki realised he was still wearing the simple white shirt and white pants of the room he was in, and was surprised. That must have happened then, otherwise he would have his old clothes.

"I say he removes them."

Loki turned and looked at Thor, shock on his face. They wanted him to do what?

"Hah! I agree. Goat, remove your clothes. Now."

Loki sobbed, and fell to the floor, cradling his head in hands, murmuring about how he wanted it to stop. He didn't want this, he didn't think he needed this, he thought he was an alright person without toning! He didn't need to be a goat! He didn't need to be naked like one! The figures frowned in unison, and Odin lifted his sceptre and brought it down upon Loki's ear, sending the ringing of bells echoing throughout his head, and even down his body. Loki yelled in shock, flinching outward and cutting himself on his chain.

"Now."

He had to do it; he had to reveal himself to his "loving family". Loki sobbed as he tried to remove his shirt, but it got stuck on his chain, whimpering, he kept trying, and ended up ripping it to get it off. His ribs were showing, the veins on his body were jet black, his skin was pale and he looked physically ill, bordering on dead. He looked up at the two, silently begging them not to continue.

"Pants too, Goat."

His hope sunk below ground, it became non-existent. Loki shut his eyes and removed his pants, feeling shame and pain at the humiliation, physically showing it with tears of black. Sitting naked on the floor, he curled into a ball, trying to warm himself, as he had become cold all of a sudden, the oil freezing in his veins. How could he rule with this horrible weight of personal torment upon him? They had won. So he resorted to pleading.

"Good Goat!" He flinched as he was petted on the head, somehow it added to the humiliation.

"C-… Can I leave now? Please?" Loki whispered, shivering, but he was sure they could hear him, as they both looked at him with emotionless faces.

"Goats do not speak unless told to."

"I-I know that, but…"

"What did I just say."

"P-P-Please…."

"You just can't shut up, can you? I'll fix that." Thor's hand reached down, grasping Loki's chin and wrenching it upward, meeting Loki's scared eyes, and revealing a burly needle and thread in his other hand. Loki's eyes shot as wide as they could, and he screamed, flinching and trying to run. He was hit in the leg by the sceptre, and came crashing to the ground, his naked body collapsing into a heap. The thought of having his mouth sewn shut was, for some reason, the most terrifying thing he could imagine. The worst thing that could happen to him, and he didn't even know why. He tried to crawl across the ground, tried to leave this nightmare. All he was rewarded with was a slice of cold cutting his body, and footsteps approaching.

"Now now, calm down, it won't hurt much."

Odin put the sceptre in between Loki's shoulder blades, pinning him to the ground. Loki grunted in pain, the point digging into his skin, breaking it, and scraping his spine. Thor came from the front, and held Loki's chin on his lowered knee. Taking little time to prepare himself, he strung the coarse thread through the eye of the needle and advanced on Loki's face. "Please don't do this, I won't talk, I swear I won't!" The victim pleaded, trying to move, but only sending the sceptre deeper into his back and his neck turned on more of a 90 degree angle to his body – in simpler terms; more pain.

"Shut up."

It was the last thing he heard before sense-blinding pain pierced through his cheek. His mouth was wrenched open, only adding to the pain, before the needle was pushed out again. It was cold, like an icicle being pushed into his cheek, in and out, in and out, in and out, and all he could do was weep and shiver. The oil had formed a sort of plug in his throat, temporarily silencing any screaming, and to stop oil leaking out and ruining Thor's _wonderful _work.

Thor had never been delicate or creative with things, and this time was no exception. When he was finished horrible criss-crossed stitches covered Loki's mouth and cheeks. Loki's eyelids drooped; he was about ready to give up. He was about to close his glass eyelids forever and do whatever they wanted – when he saw a creeping darkness approaching. This was his exit, he knew it. He lowered his head and looked at the ground, staying quiet, oil, tears and blood washing down his ruined face.

"Good! This is good!" Odin beamed, or as much as he could do with his broken jaw, and removed the sceptre from Loki's back. Thor stood as well, and he an Odin began to talk about how Thor would rule Asgard, and how Goat would serve them (especially the horrid acts he would be forced into doing). Loki didn't bother listening, but this time, it was for a different reason. The darkness swept across the floor, beckoning, calling. Without any warning the naked Loki leapt up, sprinting as fast as he could in his state. He was feet away from the darkness when he heard roaring footsteps behind him. No, no, no, no. The collar was tightening; he was coming to the end of it.

He jumped, feeling somewhat free, hope returning as the darkness overtook him, holding his naked body, leaving the screaming figures behind.

* * *

"Loki? Can you hear me? Time to wake up."

He blinked and carefully opened his eyes. He was back in the room, tied to the bed, in his clothes, thankfully. He immediately did a check of himself, his eyes swung down to his jaw and mouth, it was smooth and clean, though slightly paler than usual. He sighed, feeling weariness sweep through his body. He tilted his head down, looking at the person. Good, it wasn't Thor; he didn't think he could stand to look at him at the moment. It was just the small man.

"Yes, I hear you." Talking sharp and bluntly, he decided to play along, it's not like he had a choice but be somewhat courteous to the mortal. Besides, he didn't want to anger the man and have sleep bestowed upon him again, anything but that.

"Good. How are you feeling?" The man spoke carefully, moving closer slowly.

Loki frowned, "How do you expect me to feel, rodent?" he was starting to become annoyed by this man, regardless of his nice voice. He had better start saying things Loki wanted to hear.

"Not that well, but that is what I am gathering, how do _you_ feel?" Ignoring the rodent comment, the man was almost next to him, and though Loki tensed up, ready for an attack, he allowed his presence cautiously.

"What is your name, human?" Loki inconsiderately ignored the question, moving his head so he looked at the man, trying his best to keep his usually sly look on his face, but only succeeded to look old and weary.

"My name is Richard Audolf."

Loki's brow creased in thought, "What an odd name for a human."

"My ancestors were from Scandinavia, it's a family name. Well, Richard isn't, but Audolf is. "

"So you are the friend of wolves?"

"Hah, I suppose so. I have never met one though; perhaps my ancestors' friends were indeed wolves."

Loki thought, something was ringing in the back of his head, but didn't dare look, afraid of seeing Odin's face again. Didn't he know a wolf? He felt like he should. But he shook it off and continued, "Why am I here?"

"Why don't you tell me?" Richard asked, now sitting on the table next to Loki.

Loki's brow furrowed again, so this Audolf was playing games with him? Well then, he would play along, he liked these games. "It appears that my behaviour has been erratic and somewhat disturbing to my brother, so he dearly decided to strap me down and force sleep upon me." He said bluntly.

"So you recognise that something is off about you?"

"Nothing is wrong with me, Audolf, I am simply having trouble sleeping."

"It's more than that, Loki; you seemed to be experiencing psychosis. It may be ongoing."

"What is that?"

"It's when someone loses touch with reality and the world around them. Their thoughts and feelings change, and they may see, hear or feel things that aren't really there. People who experience them can be violent, but most of the time they are scared."

"You think I'm having one of these?"

"Yes."

"Heh, well then you are wrong doctor, I am full power of my mental facilities, and I am never scared. I am a god, remember?"

"Then why did you act like you did when Thor was here simply trying to comfort you?"

Loki fell silent, yes, that did happen. Why did he do it? Of course, Thor was going to hurt him. Punish him. Goat.

"Well, Loki? Can you tell me what you were thinking?"

"I… Leave."

"Pardon?"

"Leave me now."

"Very well, Loki. But do you want me to give you something to help you rest?"

"No!"

"That was sudden, very well, I won't. Just call out if you need anything."

"I need to be free, _doctor_."

"Not yet."

* * *

"Well, how was he?"

"He seemed much calmer and in control. I believe the medicine is working to soothe his mind. That, and you weren't there, I think that helped."

"It is a shame I cannot see him."

"Yes it is, but if you want him to get better, you will only enter when _he_ asks you to."

"So I am to listen to the orders of a mere man and my sick-in-the-head brother?"

"You are to think about executing them."

"Very well, I shall. For now."

"Thank you."

"What did he say?"

"He seemed to be interested in my last name, and was curious as to what he was experiencing, though he wouldn't admit he was actually experiencing it."

"He would enjoy your last name, Audolf. And of course he wouldn't, he is too stubborn."

"Like his brother I take?"

"Haha, yes."

"It's good to hear you laugh, Thor, you seemed incapable of doing so when you arrived."

"Yes… Yes I did."

"Are you hungry?"

"I am."

"I'll get some food, anything you prefer?"

"No, also…"

"Yes?"

"Prepare some for Loki."

* * *

Loki couldn't decide what was worse, the darkness behind his eyelids, or the light when he opened them. He had been thinking about that for the last half hour, not wanting to stray too deep in thought over something important, only keeping to the lighter things at the front of his mind. He should probably fix the light, it was shining very brightly. Yes, he loved that white colour, but the light above his head amplified it, causing it to scrape across his eyes. He had been alternating between closed eyes and open, trying to cool his eyes in the darkness, but he quickly became scared for no reason and had to open his eyes, repeating the cycle.

"Will someone turn down the light?" He ordered to no one in particular, more to himself to pass the time. He waited to see if anything would happen, and when he didn't he sighed and continued his eye flickering. He wished he had at least one arm, so he could shield his eyes. Not being able to use his abilities was draining and depressing to him, whatever Audolf had given him must have restricted them. He felt tired, very, very tired, but he knew he couldn't sleep, or they would return. He could feel them just there, waiting, waiting to punish Goat for fleeing his masters.

"Goat…" He whispered. Goats were herbivores, meaning they ate plants, like grass. They generally had two horns sprouting from their head, but they were usually short and stumpy, only really used for head-butting. They walked on all fours, having soft hooves instead of hands and feet. They were a common farm animal, as their milk was a delicacy to some people. They had fur, and never wore clothes. Their eyes were odd though, the pupil warped and stretched horizontally; causing an alien like effect to anyone they looked at. They did not talk.

They did not talk.

Why was he talking?

Wait.

He must be scatterbrained or confused, probably because of the liquid the doctor had put in him. Yes, that was causing his mind to stray and forget, not realise things, such as not being allowed to talk. _You can talk all you want, they aren't here._ Well, yes, but they could be watching, and they can hold a grudge. _Why not just risk it? _Quiet.

He tried to think of something to do that wouldn't disrupt his calm train of thought. He checked himself physically for the hundredth time. His hair was soft, if somewhat frazzled from unkemptness, flowing around his head on the pillow. His face was normal, though there was the memory of pain in it. His eyes were fine. His chest felt like it was being sat on by a child, not painful, but not comfortable either. The fabric of his clothes was soft and coarse at the same time, rubbing against his skin when he breathed or moved. His arms had fallen asleep, and he knew when he was able to move them he would have the worst case of pins and needles. His hands had been constantly moving, unconsciously cracking the bones in his hand. He had never had the habit before, but it didn't bother him, so he ignored it. His pelvis was sore, his underside being compressed down for so long. His legs had also fallen asleep, and his feet had constant pins and needles, due to him forgetting about them, them falling asleep, then him remembering and moving them. He had no idea how long he had been in this room for, he was only slightly hungry, but food didn't matter to him anyway. His joints were sore from lack of movement, so he must have been there a while.

He finished his examination and boredom returned. "Could someone bring me a drink?" He thought out loud. He waited a while but heard nothing, and became annoyed, "Hello? Bring me a drink!" he yelled, becoming more and more angry at the fact that these mortals were ignoring him. He could feel his rollercoaster mood approaching another drop, and he both feared and welcomed it.

Luckily he was heard this time, and Richard returned, "Sorry, Loki, I had something to attend to, here is your drink, I also have food prepared if you want it," he carried a plastic cup of water in his hand, and approached with caution. Loki felt his anger beginning to bubble over, how dare he? How DARE he? Keeping a somewhat straight face he waited for the man to approach. "Are you feeling okay? You look a little tense," Richard looked slightly worried, but tried to hide it and held the cup to Loki's lips. Loki didn't say anything, not trusting his mouth. He took a sip of the water, letting the cool liquid run down his throat, and sighed.

Richard seemed content with this, and lifted his arm away, still standing next to the bed. "You didn't answer my question, are you feeling okay?" he repeated, trying to keep a stern tone of voice to the god.

Loki's face tightened, and he closed his eyes. His hands started to shake slightly.

Richard looked more worried now, noticing his hands, "Loki. Can you hear me?" he was starting to feel afraid, but he didn't know why.

Loki's eyes snapped open, and he roared at the ceiling, so loud that Thor could hear him through seven thick walls. Thor began to run towards the room, but Richard could only fall back, the water spilling onto his chest. "L-L-Loki?!" He cried in fear, scrambling back. "H-Help!" He called out when Loki started to lift his arms, straining the restraints. Loki's head whipped around and stared down at the doctor, "**KNEEL.**" He roared, madness in his eyes, actually managing to rip one of his arms free.

Thor burst into the room, took a second to analyse the situation, then rushed forward and held down Loki's free arm, "Loki! Calm down! CALM!" Thor tried to roar over his brother, sounding like two lions fighting over a meal. Loki was wild-eyed, staring at everything and nothing, his hair falling over his face, his mouth spraying and snapping. He saw Thor as flickering between a figure and a friend, but Thor risked it and hugged his brother tight, holding the free arm down. Loki saw this as an attack from a figure and flinched into a counter-attack, using his head to head-butt and bite his brother's neck. Thor winced as Loki dug his jaw into his own neck, and could feel flesh tear slightly, but held him close. "Loki… Brother…" He whispered into Loki's ear, a tear rolling down his cheek.

Richard the whole time had alerted for help, and there were three other grown men in the room, ready to restrain and medicate. He held his needle ready, waiting for Thor to step aside. Loki spotted the needle past Thor, and started to scream instead of yell, "NO! NO! NO! NO!" he screamed and screamed, wriggling, no longer attacking, and instead tried to escape. Thor still held him tight, sobbing, "It's okay, this will help you sleep, this will help you sleep!" he whispered over and over to the screaming man he was holding, hoping he would understand. Loki did, and that's what scared him.  
"I DO NOT WANT TO SLEEP!" He bellowed, and in fear, he slipped his arm free of Thor and actually grabbed his brother's back, wrenching him closer, he lifted his head to Thor's ear and whispered, "I beg of you, please do not make me sleep, they will destroy me," he was crying now, no longer angry, just scared.  
Thor frowned, trying to understand what Loki had said, but still hugged him. Destroy? No one could hurt him here. It must be in his head when he slept. No wonder he hadn't been able to sleep all those years. He lifted his head from his brother, half lifting himself from Loki, who fell back and covered his eyes with his free arm, sobbing and murmuring. Thor turned to Richard and the men, who were still poised and ready, "Do not give him that." He said sternly.  
Richard raised an eyebrow, "Why? It will help him sleep and relax his mind and mood," he said matter-o-factly . Thor frowned thunder, so Richard backed up, "Okay, okay, I won't! But can you tell me why?" he questioned.  
Thor sighed, and completely removed himself from his deranged brother, who was still sobbing into his arm, mumbling nonsense and twitching, "Something happens when he falls asleep, something that has scared him," Thor spoke softly, a hand on Loki's face-covering arm.  
"How do you know he is not lying? Tricking you? I've heard he's been able to do that quite a lot," Richard was starting to feel cocky and brave; these "gods" were in his arena, using his weapons.  
Thor took offense to that, to put it lightly. He marched over to Richard and grabbed him by the front of his coat, lifting him to eye level with the god. "Do not. Give him that." He breathed anger, spite. Loki overheard, but it only fuelled in scaring him more, it sounded like the bad Thor, except he was mad at someone else.  
Loki ripped his arm away and caught Richard's eye, scared eyes meeting terrified, red and puffy eyes, "Do not speak! Do not look! Do not make a sound! Stay silent and hidden Goat, and you will live free from pain and torture!" his voice was distorted, as if he was not only speaking to Richard, but himself.

Thor turned to look at Loki, lowering the doctor with one arm; he tried to process what he had said. He approached his brother again, slowly. Loki was breathing heavily, eyes glazed over, seeing something that wasn't there. Richard rubbed his chest and silently motioned to the guards, who approached Thor, surprising him and holding him still. It didn't work of course, but it worked long enough for Richard to inject Loki with sedative again. Loki gasped when he felt the metal enter him, eyes snapping back into focus and swinging around to meet his arm, his face contorted in pure horror, and he felt the tendrils of sleep start to grab and pick at his mind. Thor ripped free of the men, throwing them down and running to the bed, almost knocking the doctor aside. He grabbed Loki's shoulders, "Fight it! Whatever you will see, fight it! Be strong!" he talked and talked to the slowly fainting man, only letting go when Richard put a hand on Thor's shoulder, "He's asleep, Thor, he'll be fine," he stated, before turning and exiting the room, the three bruised men grumbling behind him.

"No he won't."


	4. Brjóta eða Kaupa (Destroy and Bargain)

_I'm truly surprised about how much people like this. I'm not sure what a 'good start' is considered on fanfiction, but personally to me, it's awesome. I would have updated sooner but a certain Sprinkles kept me busy. Also, just so you know, after the next two chapters, it will be around a 'quarter' of the planned story done. Yeah, it might be a long one, especially for my first proper fanfiction. Again, thank you all so much for liking it. Much appreciated. - Hades_

* * *

**Brjóta eða Kaupa**

_Destroy and Bargain_

"I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DID SOMETHING SO FOOLISH!"

"I had to! He was going to tear himself and everyone around him to bits!"

"So better it be solely him to feel the burden of his pain rather than share it with his friends?"

"Friends? He doesn't have friends, Thor! You know that!"

"I…"

"We will keep repeating this until he is well enough to be unrestrained, and even then it will be a long time before he is ready to leave. He is in a bad state."

"What did he mean by 'Goat'?"

"I don't know, maybe a pet of his?"

"Not that I knew of."

"I will ask him about it next time, but carefully."

"You have been careful this entire time, and what has it got you? He needs to address by someone of his level."

"What, a god? You?"

"That might be safer."

"It's either he talks to me and treats me like a 'mortal', or he talks to you and loses it because he's horrified by the sight of his brother!"

"Then we need someone else."

"Who does he respect but not fear? I cannot think of anyone."

"Perhaps there is one man. It is risky, as whom I'm thinking of isn't going to play nice, but he has kept a conversation with Loki before, he might be able to again."

"Well you better call him."

* * *

Loki didn't even bother this time, he opened his eyes, surveyed the figures (who were even more deformed) and fell to his knees, looking at the ground, defeated.

"See? He is learning."

Thor approached him, placing a hand on Loki's head, causing horns to erupt once again, bile to rise in his lungs and organs, his eyelids to turn to glass, and stitches to form over his mouth. The pain was excruciating to Loki, but he kept quiet, only grunting.

"Now, what was it I had planned?" Thor pretended to think, dramatically holding a bony hand over his bleeding beard. "Ah yes, the Goat tried to run away."

Loki's eyes shot wide and his head jerked up to look at Thor, who smiled, half his smile expanded from the missing flesh in his cheek. He silently pleaded no, grunting and humming to try to tell him.

"You really think a simple no is going to stop me?" Thor's smile broadened, and he grabbed Loki's good horn and began to drag him towards the bored looking Odin. "You aren't finished yet, pet, your mood needs some adjustment." Odin raised his sceptre and held the tip to Loki's forehead as it glowed blue and wisps of light flowed into his head. Loki's eyes darkened, then went completely black.

"Goat?" Thor asked, releasing Loki's horn, letting him thump to the floor.

Loki lay for a while, face to the floor, not breathing, not moving.

"What happened?" Thor turned to Odin, curious.

"I'm not sure, Goat, move."

Loki's arms twitched violently before settling down again.

"I'm not sure if that's an improvement."

"Goat! Stand!"

Loki lifted himself into kneeling, and then looked at them; his eyes were solid black, endless pits of darkness. He smiled. Thor raised an eyebrow, "Goat?"

"**Y****_e_**s**, ****_M_**a_s_**t****_e-" _**His voice was a glitch, warped and broken through stitches, the world around him also warping, showing his damaged mind. The figures became static-y, parts of them shifting and bending before snapping back, sometimes even changing colour briefly.

Thor and Odin both raised a bent eyebrow this time, "I'm definitely not sure that's an improvement." Thor said bluntly.  
"Fine, I'll _fix_ it." Odin replied, annoyed. Instead of being careful this time, he simply smashed Loki across the face with the point of the sceptre, ripping a line from cheekbone to cheekbone of the downed man. Loki didn't make a sound, just kneeled with the same grin on his face, oil pouring from the horizontal cut on across his face. It was a moment before blue wisps began to leak out along with the oil, flying and dissipating into the air. When the wisps exited, the blackness seemed to leak downwards from Loki's eyes, leaving him with grey-white eyes with an almost unnoticeable iris and pupil. He fell face first to the ground.

"Good job, you broke him!" Thor said with brutal sarcasm.

They started to argue heavily, until all that could be heard was static, growling and the sound of burning.

Yes, Loki was still alive. He couldn't die yet, he is still needed. Or at least that's what he thought, but his mind was shifting from good and bad so quickly he had no idea which side he stood on. Goat, Loki, Goat, Loki, Goat, Loki. He lifted himself up and grabbed his head in his hands, his eyes flickering black and white, showing the seizure his brain was experiencing. The figures looked at him in disgust, their anger at each other now channeling towards Loki. He could not scream as they ripped his clothes off, held him down by his horns and abused his body. All he could do was internally scream as his mind flashed from wanting to die to wanting more, white and black.

When they were done Goat was exhausted, weeping quietly, curled into a ball on the ground, blood and oil pouring from the many cuts and wounds and even bruises that where everywhere on his body, especially his pelvis. Goat was finished. Goat would be Goat.

Not Loki.

The figures chuckled together, like sandpaper rasping on steel, "I say we let him sleep for now, he needs times to lick his wounds, and he's no good to us dead," Odin smiled, a sliver of white dripping down his broken jaw.  
Thor nodded and licked his lips, "Then we will have fun, oh yes,"

They appeared to lift a blanket of darkness from nowhere, throwing it over the trembling Goat.

He was free. For now.

* * *

"Wait wait wait. You want _me,_ the guy who almost died sacrificing himself for the city, to go have a happy little chat with the guy who _caused the destruction to said city_?"

"Yes."

"Well I'm in."

"You confuse sometimes, you know that?"

"What about the others, why me?"

"I'm trying you first, but I will attempt with the others, they are the only people he really knows, even if they are on bad terms."

"Bad terms is putting it lightly."

"I know, but I have to hope."

"Why do you want him to be good and better all of a sudden? Aren't you going right back to Norseland to have him tried and thrown in whatever sort of jail you have?"

"If he is mentally unstable it may have explained his actions."

"Come on, there has to be more than that."

"I care immensely for him, I always have."

"How touching. Now, shall I be off?"

"I believe you will reach the institution first, so yes."

"See you soon."

"See you… soon. Heh."

"Did you talk to him?"

"Yes, he agreed to help."

"Really? Did he really?"

"Yes."

"… Well okay."

* * *

His head was reeling, good, bad, Goat, Loki. He kept one eye closed to enjoy the darkness, and one open to feel the light. Because of his limited abilities, his eyes had physically turned black and white, they weren't flashing as intensely, but they did change from time to time, and he switch eyelid positions accordingly when they did.

He didn't have to wait long this time, not that he noticed, he was too busy trying to sort his head out. The door opened and a cocky individual barged in, "Hello highness, feeling any better?" his voice was sarcastically sweet, and he was carrying a metal suitcase, a gold and red one.

"Stark, please play nice." Richard was beside him, a little more timid than last time.

Stark walked up and peered into Loki's eyes, "He has some serious strobe light thing going on, you might want to get that checked," he chuckled, and examined the restrained man.

Richard frowned, approached carefully and examined Goat's eyes just as they changed, "Odd. That wasn't happening before… Loki, are you okay?" he was prepared this time, already holding the sedative.

"That's a big needle doctor, you sure his highness needs all that?"

"You weren't here last time…"

"Then why are you here again?"

"Thor."

"Yeah, that explains it."

Loki flashed back, and he tried to lift his previously free arm, but it had been re-restrained, he choked out a "Help," before Goat flashed back, a look of contempt replacing fear on his face.

Stark looked apprehensive, but not in fear, out of curiosity. Without warning he leapt out and grabbed Loki's chin, wrenching it up so it was inches away from his own, "Quit the strobe effect."

Loki's mind and system was so shocked by the sudden move that it jolted back to a balance between the two, returning to its' somewhat regular state. His eyes also returned to normal, but his iris and pupil were considerably lighter.

"What happened, did you go blind?" Stark leaned in closer, ignoring the protests of Richard.

Loki looked wearily up into Stark's eyes, "No…" he croaked, his voice sounding ancient.

"Tony, step down."

Tony Stark had to be mere centimeters away from Loki now, eyes creased and examining.

"Tony."

Tony wrenched away from Loki and stood back, placing his suitcase on the table, "Well something is wrong with him," he said bluntly.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you."

"And what do you want me to do?"

"Have a conversation, keep it light-hearted, try find out what is going on in his head. Be as nice as you can without making him think you're pathetic."

"Sounds simple enough, can I have a chair?"

"Of course."

After retrieving the chair Tony sat down next to Loki, who had been staring into space, oblivious to the outside world. Tony clicked his fingers in front of the lying man, causing Loki to jolt his head back and focus on the fingers. "Right, so I'm going to be Dr. Stark from now on, got it?" He sounded arrogant, but playful; Richard wondered if it might work.  
Loki creaked his head sideways, staring at Tony for a minute. Tony didn't break a sweat, just stared him down. Richard was about to intervene when Loki spoke, "Very well, _Lt. Stark_," a weak smile grew on Loki's face as he had the smallest victory he could in his present condition.  
Tony wasn't impressed, "I guess Lt. will do. Now, what was your childhood like? Neglectful mother? Abusive father? Dog that ran away?" he had gained a mock psychiatrist pose, talking in a silly voice. Loki chuckled the slightest bit until it got to abusive father, then his face fell to stone. Tony noticed his mistake, "I guess it's door number two then," he said softly, but shook his head mentally and continued, "Now Mr Highness, I need you to describe why you were having a miniature rave party inside your eyes, can you do that for me?" he kept up his façade of actually being a doctor, but had a softer face than his usual iron one.

Loki considered telling him, what point was there in keeping silent? As much as he hated to admit it, if he could achieve help from the mortal Iron Man, then he would have to grin, bear and take it.  
"I am Goat." He said bluntly, but softly.  
Tony raised an eyebrow, thought for a minute, then simply made a "baa", or goat noise.  
Loki didn't laugh, he continued staring at nothing.  
"Loki, why are you a goat?" Richard couldn't help but ask, curiosity overtaking him.  
Loki frowned, coming back into focus again, "Be silent," he snapped sharply to the doctor.  
Tony raised both eyebrows, slightly turned to Richard, almost laughing, "Well I guess the goat has spoken, doctor,"  
Richard frowned, and continued to sit on the table and watch, silent. He nodded impatiently to Tony, indicating to get on with it before Loki spiraled again.  
Tony rolled his eyes and spun back around so he was facing the restrained man on the table in front of him, and simply asked, "Now, I know you don't like me, and to be perfectly honest I don't like you either, but you need to get better so you can leave our planet and go rot in a cell or whatever it is you guys have."  
Loki considered what he said, he didn't actually hate Stark, he just saw him as a powerful obstacle, and he even thought under different circumstances, they might actually get along. _Why was he being nice all of a sudden? He had gone soft! Ridiculous._ "I don't hate you," He accidentally croaked out what he was thinking, for all the room to hear. Tony raised his eyebrow again, and the doctor leaned forward, curious.  
"It's understandable you love me, but let's get back to the main topic, why are you a goat?" Tony avoided Loki's statement, and tried to steer the conversation back. It worked.  
Loki thought for another moment, "Tell the pathetic one to leave." He would tell Stark, but not while that stupid man was in the room.  
Tony turned again and looked Richard, who looked shocked in response to Loki's request. "I… I suppose I can leave. Shout if you need help, Stark." He sounded slightly annoyed, but stood and left.  
Tony smiled, and turned back to Loki, "Now why would you tell him to leave? He's the one with the meds to shut you up if you flip," he was joking of course, but Loki didn't laugh. Tony clenched his jaw and waved a hand for Loki to continue with what he was going to say.  
Loki seemed content with this so he continued, "They have told me I am Goat, a mere beast, a toy for them. I must not speak, my mouth is sewn shut, I must not walk on two legs, goats walk on all fours, I must obey and listen to every order and execute them without hesitation…" he remembered what had happened last time he had hesitated, he was still mentally sore.  
Tony seemed somewhat uncomfortable for Loki to be unloading his mental troubles on him, slightly shifting in his chair. Trying to stay professional (in a mocking way), he lifted a hand to his chin and pretended to ponder. "So, _they_, whoever _they_ may be, have convinced Loki, _God of Mischief_, into being their farm animal slave? I am finding that hard to believe, as last time I checked, you answered to no one," he talked carefully, but still full of humour.

The "God of Mischief" heard and tried to understand what he had said. Minutes passed, Tony grew bored and restless, suddenly swinging his legs up and resting them on the god's chest. Loki jerked, but didn't explode, he was still in extreme thought, almost oblivious to the outside world.  
"Dude, come on, this is getting boring, I can't have a conversation talking about you with myself," he paused, "Let's give it a shot anyway," he stiffened his back, "I tried to rule the world but the amazing Iron Man and the slightly less significant heroes helped to stop me," switching positions, he became the doctor again, "Such a shame, but you were out of line. Another topic, how have your dreams been like? Any ones about a handsome billionaire?" he said without pause or fault, before switching back to Loki, "Oh no! You have discovered my secret!" this continued solely due to pure boredom, Tony's jokes becoming even more horrible and even disappearing, eventually he ended up with his forehead on the edge of Loki's hip/bed, groaning in boredom. "You are so, so boring now, you know that? I think a vegetable would be more interesting."

Loki came back to reality, he had enjoyed his stay in a lighter part of his mind, thinking things over, but he returned to Tony touching him, and he didn't appreciate it, "**Get off me!**" he growled, but not loud enough that anyone outside the room could hear.  
Tony smiled but didn't move his head, "Say please."  
Loki frowned, but creakingly chuckled, "Untie me, man of iron."  
It was Tony's turn to chuckle; he lifted his head and looked bemused, "Now why would I do that?"  
Loki kept a straight face, "Because that mortal woman you care for will live if you do."  
Tony raised an eyebrow again, "Oh? Wait, so if I don't leave you tied up where you can't move, can't do any damage, and can't be a nuisance to the human race; you will not hurt my girl?"  
Loki's face was still straight, "You think I am alone in this world?"  
"Yes, I do."  
"Then, you are mistaken. But do you really want to take that chance?"  
"Nice try."  
Tony stood, about to leave.  
"Miss Pepper Potts, was it?"  
Not freezing, but not leaving, Tony turned around, a smirk on his face, "Haha, nice guess."  
Loki shrugged as much as he could while being tied down, "It is an art."

"Well, I believe my time is up, I need to go visit the _mortal woman_ _I care for_. See you later, highness." With that, Tony left, taking his armoured suitcase with him, tipping his head and smirking to Richard (who was right outside the door) and walking down the hallway. Richard entered now, and raised an eyebrow at the now exhausted Loki.  
"Well? What did you talk about?"  
Loki didn't speak.  
"Loki? Can you hear me?"  
Loki didn't speak.  
"Can you hear me, Loki?" Richard was right next to him now, starting to get annoyed.  
Loki didn't speak.  
Richard frowned, "Talk, or I'll assume you're catatonic and need mental rest."  
Loki turned and looked at the doctor, returning the frown.  
Richard smirked, "So you can hear me, good. Now we're going to talk, and I don't mean you just listening. We need to sort out a system that works so you can be unrestrained and mobile as soon as possible. Is that a deal?"  
Loki kept his face pointing at Audolf, but his eyes shifted from side to side, considering, planning, thinking. His face was stoic, unrelenting of information.  
"Well, **_Goat?_**"

Loki's head jerked and he focused on Richard, "What did you say?" he breathed.  
Richard raised an eyebrow again, "I said, "Well, Loki?" I was wondering if you had made up your mind."  
Loki frowned at himself now, in thought. He hadn't come to a conclusion, but better him talk now than have the man force sleep upon him because he thought he was lost in his mind.

"Deal."


	5. Kæra líta Veita (Accuse then Accept)

_The pauses between chapters will get longer, and I apologise, but school will be starting for me soon, and so the wait will increase. I feel kind of bad about this chapter, and I'm finally feeling bad about this story overall, not because of the quality or execution, but because of the idea. I won't stop though, but perhaps he will be receiving some lucky breaks to kinda-sorta-not-really make up for this._

_I apologise, but a friend of mine commented about what happened in the previous chapter just when I was almost done with this one, and I needed to finish this chapter somehow. I had hoped to leave the topic of rape alone because it's sensitive to even me, but unfortunately a victim doesn't get over it like that._

_Thanks, hope you enjoy, hope to update soon, and hope I don't have to edit this tomorrow because of errors. pls no_

_Later. - Hades_

* * *

**Kæra líta Veita  
**_Accuse then Accept_

"I am getting tired of having information relayed from a doctor and that man of iron about _my _brother."

"I know you are, Thor, but I believe we have made progress."

"You keep saying that! When am I going to see him?"

"Soon! I promise!"

"You had better keep that oath, doctor."

"How about, as soon as he is untied, you can see him?"

"Deal."

* * *

Tony Stark hadn't headed directly home after he left the institute. He had instead flown to a small island in the North Atlantic Ocean, and was currently sitting on a jutted rock, his helmet removed and his head in his hands. He didn't want to speak to anyone at the moment, and had taken Jarvis offline, only listening to the ocean and his disjointed breathing. What was wrong with that idiot? He hated to see another man lose it, especially a powerful one. He didn't want to admit that he thought of Loki as a powerful man, but he knew it was true. It had taken all of them to take him down, and that was a feat. But every time he saw someone who he considered his power-equal lose control of their mind, he felt very, very vulnerable. He knew if it could happen to Loki, it could happen to him. He knew he was already eccentric and odd, but not dangerously so. Okay, scratch that, very dangerously so. But not world-taking-over dangerous. Then again he had already basically done that. But what if he lost control and hurt Pepper?

Shaking his head, he got to his feet, frustration on his face, how could that pathetic god mess with his mind like this, without lifting a finger? _Screw this_. He clipped his helmet back over his head, turned Jarvis online (_Sir, are you alright?_), and blasted off, leaving a scorched mark on the already dark rock.

He would be fine, of course. He always was.

* * *

Loki hadn't intentionally messed with Tony of course, he had just wanted some sort of control over the situation, and his weak mind came up with a pathetic standby. He didn't know it had worked though, and wrote it off as another failure, just like he was. He was glad to not be forced into sleep though, and the prospect of being able to move in the near future was enough to make him keep the tightest rein on his mind as possible. It still hurt though. Every part of him was in pain, though he wasn't physically hurt. He wondered briefly if mental wounds can heal. His thoughts sunk when a memory of his life in Asgard surfaced. Why had his memories had been locked away like that? He treaded carefully, picking up the times he had thought the same thing in his recent experience.

_He hadn't felt this hopeful for an escape of pain since… _since Odin had told him that no, he couldn't "have done it". He had fallen back, into the blissful swirling vortex. He had escaped. This memory hurt, as it linked to the emotional and mental torment he had gone through leading up to that single moment. He jerked his head viciously and moved on, avoiding a drop in his roller-coaster ride.  
_"Why… am I here? Why are we not we at… your home?" He questioned, not fully realising what he was asking,_ He had been talking about Asgard. But why? Why wasn't he there? Had that vortex taken him to a mortal world? What had happened?  
_He had been born…_ Where had he been born? Asgard of course. Thor was his brother!  
_What if this big Thor wasn't actually a… Frost Giant?_ Frost Giants. Enemies of Asgard. But did they even exist anymore? He couldn't remember.  
_That sceptre… It looked familiar._ Where had he seen that before? Argh, this bothered him. He hated not being able to remember. He would ask Other Thor about it later, his brother would know. He had taken to calling the Thor in real life Other Thor, but still, he refused to see him. It could still be a ruse. He knew that Audolf was a mortal, it reeked from him. And the man of iron was a mere man under his suit. He only truly feared gods, and by extent, his family. Why had they beaten him? Why had they… violated him? It didn't make sense. Nothing made sense. This severely annoyed him so he tried to move on from that topic. Realising that his mind had wandered from his original intention of figuring his thoughts out, he did a physical check of himself once more.

His hair was tangled and messy, spreading over his neck and the pillow beneath his head. His chest felt the same pressure it had before, but he had grown accustomed to the alien fabric of his clothes pressing down on him. His arms were actually hurting now, as were his legs and pelvis. Half from mental pain, half from not moving in gods know how long. Tch, he just wanted to move. He should not be held down in such a way, he was not a threat to anyone in his present state, weak and helpless to his own mind and the forcing-sleep-liquid. His hands were also sore from the constant cracking of bones. He noted that he didn't seem to do when someone else was in the room. Odd. Sighing, he instinctively tried to roll over and close his eyes, but when he couldn't, he frowned in sadness, shutting his eyes with sorrow on his face for the first time in years. "Can someone untie me?" He blurted it out without any authority, only simple need. Considering he had already said it, he added a feeble, "Please?" and creased his eyelids. He felt physically pathetic now, and he was, he was at the humans' feet. And he hated it.

His plea was not unheard though, and Richard walked back in, "What was that, Loki? We have the audio on but couldn't quite hear you," he looked relaxed until he saw Loki's almost tearful expression. Once again, he carefully approached the table, "Loki, are you okay? You look like you're about to cry," Richard didn't laugh or find this amusing; he only worried for the man on the bed.  
Loki hated that too, his face was finally betraying his depressing mood he felt inside. He rarely cried, and he refused to in front of this… Audolf. He might as well call him by his name if the doctor was going to be his main link to the world outside this cursed room.  
"For how long have you been a doctor, Audolf?" Loki's feeble voice wavered, proving even more that he was on the verge of tears.  
Richard became more worried, "I have been a doctor for over thirty years now, but only began with military psychology and psychiatry ten years ago. Why do you ask, Loki?" he used the patient's name as much as possible, to help the man keep a link to reality.  
"I… Have you been able to help others like me?"  
Richard paused, before continuing, "There are no others like you, I thought you of all people would know that."  
"I realise that, but if you have ever had someone who is in any way simular to myself, did you 'fix' them?"  
"Loki, I have never had anyone like you."

Loki sighed and closed his eyes, letting his head fall back against the pillow. Richard looked away, oddly saddened by Loki's actions, before carefully resting a hand on Loki's restrained forearm. Loki instantly thought he was going to inject him with sleep again, so he screeched and flinched. Richard realised his mistake and jerked his hand away, "I'm sorry! I was just trying to comfort you!"  
Loki was breathing erratically, a stray tear escaping down his cheek. He shook his mind and head again and again to stop falling into the hole of madness and fear. After a few minutes he managed to bring his breathing back to a somewhat normal rate, but his eyes were still flying around, looking at every threat, though usually landing on the concerned doctor's face. Richard had waited patiently to see if Loki could calm down by himself, and was impressed when he managed to do so, if only slightly.  
"Loki, you did well! I didn't have to do anything and you have kept yourself under control! I am proud of you," Richard smiled, trying to show he was genuinely happy by Loki's performance.  
Loki's mind was going a million miles an hour, half trying to run away into blissful chaos, the other trying to stand its' ground and anchor itself in sanity and control. He vaguely heard the doctors comment and briefly thought he should say something.  
"ThankyouAudolf" Was all he managed to choke out before slamming his mouth shut to stop any screaming or roaring to explode out.  
Richard noticed Loki's discomfort, and thought briefly. "Loki, I am going to give you something. IT WILL NOT MAKE YOU SLEEP. It will simply relax your mind, are you okay with this?" He spoke carefully, knowing that one wrongly heard word would cause Loki to spiral.  
Loki had luckily been in slightly more control when he heard the doctor's proposition, and he was scared. "W-Will it make me sleep? W-Why are y-you asking me?" He was choking on his words, trying to only let only the ones he intended to leave.  
"No, it will not make you sleep. And I am asking you so you have a choice in the matter. It will make this easier on you, you will be able to think and be in control again, without the sleeping!" Richard insisted, but kept both hands strictly at his sides, and not making any sudden movements.  
Loki couldn't take it, it was either madness then sleep or no madness with a chance of no sleep, his decision was obvious. "G-Go." He jerked his jaw tight and scrunched his eyes shut, voices in his head getting louder and louder, yelling at Goat.  
Richard nodded, and looked inside his pocket, pulling out a needle full of liquid. He popped off the plastic cap protecting the metal point, "This may pinch and feel tight at first," he hadn't told Loki about the small pain before, but he hadn't been able to, so he thought he might as well now. He carefully slid the needle into the pocket in Loki's forearm, eyes darting up and checking the god. Loki's jaw clenched tighter, indicating he had felt it, but Richard knew it wasn't the pain that he was reacting to, it was the previous experiences telling him to remove the needle because it meant sleep. Actually managing to push the plunger slowly this time, he talked soothingly to Loki, calmly, until the medicine worked its' way into his system and slowed his mind down.

Loki gasped, and his eyes opened. His mind was heavy, yes, and slightly foggy, but not fear-inducing so, more like a warm blanket covering him from harm. The voices were silent, his mind was slow, but he didn't mind. He felt calm. His tense body relaxed into the bed, finally feeling the softness that was there. He sighed, the air slowly running out of his mouth and into the air in front of him. If he looked really closely, he could see miniscule droplets of saliva in his breath, showing how panicked he had been just minutes before. He fell back into the blanket in his mind, feeling the safety wrap around him. There was a small hole near him, and he frowned as a muted whisper came through it. Rolling over to silence the intruder, he heard the voice, "Temporary," it was whispering the same thing over and over, and he didn't like it. He physically shook his head, bringing him back to the real world.

Richard was watching him carefully, still not making any sudden movements, but was relieved to see that Loki had relaxed. "Loki, are you alright?" He spoke softly, carefully, but still hopefully.  
Loki looked at the doctor lazily; eyes drooped, "Yes. Yes I am," he actually had a ghost of a smile on his face as he looked at the ceiling, content.  
Richard smiled, "That is good. Do you want to talk now or should I go?"  
"Audolf?"  
"Yes?"  
"May I have some food?"  
"Of course, one moment."

Richard left the room, actually feeling safety in turning his back on the sedated god, while Loki continued to stare into space, enjoying intellectual ignorance. He was eternally grateful to the doctor for silencing the voices and feelings, so he would be polite. But something worried him. What if this safety was indeed temporary? He shook his head again, why worry about such things now? Oh, look, it was snowing. He had never seen snow before, or, he thought he hadn't, though for some reason he was used to it. He had never left Asgard. Or had he? Trying to remember only brought haze and cloud, so he gave up on that, and went back to looking at the snow. The white on the ceiling had started to float down in beautiful circles of soft, cloud-like white. It was stunning. He felt a drop when it landed on his cheek, cold, but not uncomfortably so. He wondered for a moment why it was snowing indoors, but passed it off as the calming liquid the doctor had given him. It must have made it snow indoors, how magical.

Richard returned with a plastic tray with a sliced apple, a venison meat patty and a plastic cup of orange juice ordered neatly on it, but when he eyed Loki, he was confused. Loki was staring at the ceiling, but his glance followed invisible trails in the air. Richard double checked, no there were no insects in the room, what was Loki looking at? "Loki, what are you looking at?" He asked, but continued to move to the table and place the tray down.

Loki lazily looked at him, drawing his eyes away from the wonderful snow, "Why, the snow of course, it's beautiful," he turned his head back to the ceiling and closed his eyes, a smile spreading across his face, feeling the cooling touch of each piece of snow as it landed on him.

Richard raised an eyebrow when he heard Loki, he was hallucinating? But he had given him a sedative; it should have quelled all hallucinations. "Loki, it isn't snowing, we are inside. I have food for you."  
Loki frowned slightly, losing his smile, opening his eyes and looking at the doctor again, "You are blind, Audolf, why would my eyes and body deceive me from their sight and touch?"  
Richard frowned, "Loki, I think you are hallucinating," he said a little too bluntly.  
Loki frowned harder, "What is that? Are you calling me a liar?"  
Richard's brow softened, realising what he had called the God of Mischief, "No no, Loki, you aren't lying. Never mind that, would you like some food?" he tried to steer the conversation away, he had Loki in a good mood and he didn't want to ruin it. Besides, he could try a different type of sedative later, different medicines always work differently on different patients, and Loki wasn't a regular patient.  
Loki seemed content with this, his face softening and his eyes drooping again, "Yes," his face twitched slightly as he thought of something, "But how will I eat?" he wiggled his hands and feet to show what he meant.

Richard thought, was Loki safe enough to untie some of the restraints? He didn't dare consider hand feeding him, which would send him spiralling for sure. He had to eat by himself, or not at all. He could use an I.V., but he felt that would be a bad idea. After a minute of consideration, he approached the man on the table, "Loki, I am going to untie your arm and your upper chest so you can eat. Promise you won't do anything," it seemed stupid of him to request that the god doesn't attempt anything bad, but he had to try, slowly of course, bring Loki down to his level.  
Loki also found his request amusing, a sly smile playing over his lips, "Why Audolf, I would never _dream_ of such a thing," he had no intention of attacking the doctor or attempting to escape, he knew his brother was out there, maybe even the man of iron, plus he doubted he would be able to get through those doors, and if he attacked him, he would be put to sleep, no question. They would never free him again. He had to play this slowly.  
Richard wasn't confident that Loki was joking, but he had to accept that and moved to Loki's left arm, watching the god carefully.  
Loki smirked, but not in a hostile way, more of an amused look at the doctor's wariness, "It is perfectly fine, doctor, I, am perfectly fine," he put it simply, calmly.  
Richard seemed a little more at ease, but he was still tense as he unclipped the cloth restraining Loki's upper left arm from under the table. He moved down to the second one over his wrist, eyes never moving from the god. After undoing both he pulled the cloth back and hung it around under the table so it reclasped to its' settings, stopping it from falling on the ground. He stood back a bit, waiting.

Loki couldn't feel his arm, and it was concerning. His mind was still foggy, but he distantly remembered how to lift it. He focused on raising his arm, and slowly, it did. Pain shot through his arm and he clenched his jaw while Richard flinched ever so slightly, "I-It's fine, it is simply sore," Loki managed a tiny smile as wave after wave of pain ran through his arm.  
"That is understandable, Loki, you haven't moved it in…" Richard realised what he was saying and trailed off, hoping Loki wouldn't notice.  
Luckily, Loki didn't, focusing on bending his arm now, grunting when it hurt more. Eventually after a few minutes of stretching his arm, the pain had died down to a dull aching, and that was only when he stretched it as far as he could. He looked to the doctor, resting his bent arm on his chest, "Thank you, Audolf," his eyes were still heavy, and his mind still cloudy and slow, but he was glad to be able to move an arm. Though he worried about how sore the rest of him would be when he moved that.  
Richard seemed happy with this, so he moved close again, but never stopped watching Loki's free hand. Slowly he leaned over the man, holding his breath.  
Loki watched carefully, but he knew that Audolf wouldn't hurt him. He couldn't, and if he tried Loki would simply reach a hand up and throttle the life out of him. Simple. He was in control of his mind again, and he loved it. He had to thank the doctor for helping him, and he was grateful, so he wouldn't hurt him.  
Richard continued to advance, until most of his upper torso was over Loki, blocking out some of the light. Gulping almost unnoticeably, he reached under Loki, trying his best not to brush him. He breezed past Loki's shirt ever so slightly, causing Loki to stiffen slightly, and Richard to wince. Shaking it off mentally, he unclipped the torso restraint and unpeeled it from Loki's body, letting it fall under his free arm.  
Loki waited for the briefest moment, then breathed in, feeling his chest rise freely, openly. It was wonderful. His chest still hurt from the pressure for all that time, but it was still liberating. He let the air run out, again feeling his chest rise and fall.  
Richard had straightened up and was watching carefully, "Loki, how are you going? How are your thoughts?"  
Loki lazily looked at him, "I am wonderful, Audolf, you have not the slimmest idea of how liberating it is to move one's limbs," a small smile spread across his face, "And my mind is perfect, it is safe."  
Richard relaxed a little and smiled back, yes, he believed Loki was going fine. The sedative shouldn't wear off for another hour at least, so unless Loki's brain chemical and anatomy was different than the average human, he should be safe.

Richard didn't quite turn his back on Loki as he turned and picked up the platter of food, "I know you're probably used to… more lavish food, but to be honest it was a miracle achieving this," he looked guilty as he stood next to Loki again, showing him the simple meal.  
Loki looked slightly disappointed, but a small growl from his stomach at the sight of food showed his body thought otherwise.  
Richard carefully placed the tray on Loki's growling stomach, allowing Loki to move his free arm and hand out of the way of course, and walked up behind the god's head. Loki stiffened again, causing ripples in the orange juice. "I am going to bend and prop your pillow up, it isn't good for the body to digest food horizontally," Richard let Loki see his hands as he laid them on the sides of the pillow, next to Loki's head. Loki instinctively lifted his head, while Richard bent his pillow in half and set it under his head, causing him to keep his head up as a default position.

Loki looked at the food properly now, not having to strain his neck, and his mouth twitched at the edge. Yes, he was certainly used to better food than this, but he really didn't have a choice at the moment, so he lifted a hand (Richard watching closely of course) and picked up a slice of apple. He brought it to his face and looked it over carefully, closely, examining every pore on the green and white flesh. He smelled it gently, gave a nibble, then waited for a minute.  
"Loki, I assure you it is safe," Richard looked wearily at Loki; the food was going to go bad before he actually had any.  
Loki glanced at him, rolled his eyes and took a large bit out of the slice, taking out half of it. He chewed slowly, running his tongue and teeth over the flesh, savouring it.  
Richard was intrigued at how he ate, he truly enjoyed _what_ he ate, and considered every drop of saliva he let fall onto it. It was fascinating to watch, "It's almost as if you've never had an apple before, Loki."  
Loki glanced at him again, swallowing the apple, "Food's taste is always more enjoyable when you haven't eaten in what seems like years," he said it a little too bluntly.  
Richard chuckled nervously, then waved at the venison patty, "Why don't you have some meat, it's cooked, and the deer it was from was caught right outside this facility."  
Loki raised an eyebrow as he took the rest of the slice in his mouth, chewing silently, "We are near deer?" he asked as though he didn't care.  
Richard paused, "Yes, we are," he didn't expand on that.  
Loki finished the other half of the slice of apple, and his hand hovered over the cooked patty. "Why not keep the meat in its' given shape? Surely it would roast better," Loki raised an eyebrow at Richard.  
Richard chuckled, "To be honesty I'm not sure why they mince up the meat and make a patty. The only reason I think they exist are for burgers and such."  
Loki raised both eyebrows this time, "Burger? What an odd, though predictably Midgardian, name for food," he smirked and picked up the edge of the patty, lifting it into the air.  
Richard 'tsch''d, and backed up, sitting on the table on the wall, "Just eat already Loki, Thor is probably worrying why I haven't returned," he was secretly worrying that something would happen and the sedative would wear off, causing Loki to spiral.

Loki scoffed and nibbled at the patty, frowning, "Why does it not taste like regular meat? How was it cooked?"  
Richard chuckled nervously; of course Loki wouldn't know anything about deep frying food. He was about to explain when Loki twitched violently, accidently flinging the nibbled patty down on the floor. "Loki?!" Richard instantly slammed Loki's arm down, trying to swing the restraint back over it.

Loki had heard the voice again. Odin's voice. _"You tasted delicious, you know, __**Goat**__."_ He knew Odin was talking about when he and Thor had… had… He shivered violently, body and mind experiencing what had happened again and again, tearing the safety of the mind blanket to shreds. Tears started to pour down his face as he felt them _inside of him_. They were his family! How… How could they do this?!  
"P-Please! S-Stop!" He was screeching at Richard, seeing him as someone else as the doctor struggled to reclasp his restraints.  
Richard was scared, yes, but he had to get Loki under control, and show some control of the situation overall. "L-Loki! Tell me what is happening!" He attempted to yell over the terrified man, clipping the second arm restraint back around Loki's arm. He would sedate him, but if he could get information, that might help Loki unload his trouble. He grabbed the tray and practically threw it onto the table, drops of juice splashing out of the cup and apple slices sliding. The patty was still on the floor.  
"PLEASE GET OUT OF ME! NO NO NO!" Loki bellowed at the doctor, still seeing him as a figure. He knew he shouldn't be able to talk due to his stitched mouth, but everything was so real. The whiteness of the room was shifting to that unknown colour, and the doctor's eyes had sunken and darkened, warping and changing. They were coming out of his mind again, just like they had at the start.  
Richard was confused, inside of Loki? The only way they could be inside of him was if… oh no. "Loki, were you _raped_?" He spoke in a worried voice, trying to reach over and reclasp the chest restraint.  
Loki's eyes swung around before locking on Richard's, "W-What?" the world around him twitched back to normality, he could see the doctor clearly again, but he could see wisps of unknown flowing in around his field of vision.  
Richard wondered if he could explain this without setting him off again, "Violated, were you violated?" he wasn't sure what to say to keep Loki under control, as he didn't know what had happened during his hallucinations. He had managed to finish re-restraining Loki, and stood straight.

Loki's eyes rolled back, and he breathed sharp and quick, "G-Goat," he snarled in fear as he felt himself full of them. Goat would take it. Goat would-  
"Loki! I can do nothing but put you back to sleep!"  
Loki looked at the doctor again, just as Richard changed into Odin, with his broken jaw, "**_Yes, come back, I can already feel you, Goat. Sleep, you will feel better with us, I have new tricks to _****_teach_****_ you."_**

* * *

_I wouldn't usually add a note after this, but I will this time. The Tony section at the beginning was written long before I saw Iron Man 3. I then saw it and was intrigued by Tony's mental state throughout the movie. I've got some ideas down for his own 'mental' fic, but yeah. It was cool. I might nod at it later in the fic when Tony returns._

_Also just so you know, I take rape __**extremely**__ seriously. This is not meant to make it "sexy", "romantic", "funny" or any other crap. I am trying to execute an idea and serious topic, and attempting to do so with care. If I have failed horrendously and this offends any actual victims, I am truly, truly sorry._


	6. Muna eða Tyna (Remember and Forget)

_I wasn't planning to upload this yet, but I have real life friends who read and enjoy this story, and they are able to guilt trip me physically into posting it._

_Probably my favourite chapter, don't know why though._

**_Oh yeah. I made an askblog for the Loki from this story. It's askgoat on tumblr, go have a look! I sometimes make art for it too._**

_Hope you enjoy. - Hades_

* * *

**Muna eða Tyna**

_Remember and Forget_

"You were gone a long time, Audolf, is everything alright?"

"Fine. Loki was able to eat a tiny amount before spiralling."

Thor sighed, "He fell to madness again?"

"Yes."

"You forced him into sleep again, didn't you?"

"No, I didn't, actually."

"What do you mean?"

"I gave him a full brain and mood tranquiliser, but one that wouldn't cause sleep."

"Again, what does that mean? He is a prisoner in his own mind, but he is still awake?"

"He doesn't know what's going on, and if he is normal, then he should be 'floating on clouds' at the moment."

"Floating on clouds?"

"He isn't dreaming, but he isn't thinking. He is so out of his mind that he is probably unaware of anything else but the comfort of the mood stabilisers. But I did manage to get some information out of him before that."

"Oh? Anything useful?"

"Thor, I need you to tell me everything that happened in his life, including things you don't feel comfortable with. It is the only way to help him."

"Why do you sound hostile, doctor? I have done nothing to him."

"Thor. Tell me."

"Do not command me, Audolf. But very well. Loki is the son of Laufey, a frost giant. He… He was adopted by my father, the All-Father, but never told of who he was. I was exiled to the Midgardian realm after a foolish bout with the frost giants, and what happened while I was gone is still unbeknown to me. After a battle with a Guardian Loki had sent after me, I was able to return. Loki had lied to me when he had come to Midgard and informed me that our father was dead. Loki tried to destroy the bridge between worlds, and eliminate the frost giants' world in the process. I managed to stop him, but he was lost in a hole in space."

"You are making it sound like he did nothing but be bad. That can't have been the case if he never even knew he was adopted. Was he always so malicious?"

"No."

"Care to elaborate?"

"No."

"Very well, what happened then? He must have ended up here to cause the destruction that brought the Avengers together."

"He planned to rule your world, we stopped him."

"Is that seriously it?"

"Yes."

"Thor! Stop this idiocy. Tell me the truth, was he ever beaten or violated?"

"What!? No! We loved him, we cared for him!"

"Being a doctor of the mind makes me awfully sensitive to when people are lying, _Thor_."

"Do not call me a liar, doctor!"

"Something happened! He is triggered by men, especially you! I also think it's safe to assume your father is the other demon bothering him. He was screaming at me telling me to stop **_raping _**him!"

"W-What?"

"Yes, Thor, rape! It's when someone is forcibly held down and forced to have sexual intercourse against their will! Loki shows obvious signs of this happening to him!"

"I-I-"

"Nothing happened, huh?! I bet if we do a medical examination we would find scars even today!"

"No!"

"Stop lying to save yourself! I thought you CARED for your brother!"

"DO NOT QUESTION ME, AUDOLF! YOU ARE BUT A MERE MAN!"

"Oof- P-Put me down, Thor!"

"My father and I did nothing but care and love him! We did nothing but nourish him and allow him to grow. It was him who chose the dark path he now walks."

"Put me down, Thor."

"Do not question me."

"F-Fine, I won't. I am only trying to help the brother you care for, remember?"

"Very well."

"Ah… Thank you."

"How are you planning to fix him?"

"Right now males don't seem to be able to interact with him, so my next plan was to continue with this un-human amount of sedatives and allow him to roam the active room, interacting with some of the female doctors, nurses and patients."

"You wish to let him walk free?!"

"Yes."

"Why? He could kill someone!"

"I honestly doubt he will. He is scared, Thor."

"Fear makes a man do more than anger ever will."

"I will be with him, you _will not. _As soon as we get there he will be fully interactive with female personal."

"Why not just send in a female doctor now!"

"I feel that would start a new trigger for him, everyone that has come through the door of his room has eventually caused him to spiral and cause harm. Tony prolonged it; he seems to be the safest. It is then myself, and then you are on the other end of the line of not-Loki's-triggers. I need him to go to someone first, not the other way around."

"I feel you are making fun of me, doctor."

"I am not, Thor."

"When do you plan to execute your foolish idea?"

"As soon as possible."

* * *

She peeked around a corner, and once she checked there was no one down the hallway, she skidded around the bend and sprinted down the tunnel, half dropping into more of a four legged gallop than a two legged run. She heard footsteps behind her stutter and pause, someone had noticed her!

* * *

Loki saw nothing but pink clouds shimmering around him. He physically couldn't think, feeling nothing but emptiness inside his skull. He was lying down on a similar cloud; limbs sprawled across the comforting texture. He wearily raised his head, watching what looked like a pink sunset in front of him. He smiled distantly, it was very pretty. He let his head fall back into the softness of the cloud and closed his eyes.

He fell asleep.

* * *

Richard sighed as the door slid automatically open into Loki's room. His fight with Thor had drained him, and he was hoping Loki was okay. "Loki, how are you doing? Are you still relaxed?" He didn't expect an answer; it shouldn't have worn off yet. But what he did receive was soft breathing, the kind when you are asleep. Worried, he approached the bed, finding Loki with his eyes closed, snoring so very, very quietly. Oh no. Unsure of what to do but hope it wasn't going to be a nightmare, Richard stepped back and sat on the table. He didn't want to go out and talk to Thor again, and he didn't feel like conveying with his other patients. He had cleaned up the room since the food accident, removing the patty and wiping the table clean of orange juice. Sighing, he raised a knee and set his foot on the table, resting his head on his kneecap. He had to deal with a god experiencing psychosis, had to figure out a diagnosis, had to deal with the patient's brother who probably caused Loki's condition, had to deal with running the entire facility, had to deal with the other patients, had to deal with Fury breathing down his neck to fix Loki so he could be shipped back to Asgard, to start the list off.

He groaned and leaned back, resting his back against the wall the metal table was bolted to. He realised if Loki awoke this would seem very unprofessional, but he hadn't slept in two days, hadn't eaten for one of them, had almost been thrown across the room by Thor, and had the pressure of diagnosing and fixing Loki. He glanced at the restrained god, no, he was still asleep. Good. He sat thinking about Loki's symptoms for a good half hour before coming back to reality and figuring he should leave and once again, converse with the god of thunder. He wasn't looking forward to it, but the armour-clad man would find him regardless of where he went. Checking Loki was okay (he hadn't moved, he hadn't twitched, he hadn't sneezed), Richard removed himself from the table and stood at the door, allowing it to slide open, before glancing over his shoulder at Loki, and leaving the room.

He was almost barrelled over by his most notorious escapee.

* * *

The clouds had passed over into Loki's dreams, and he wasn't in his regular setting of hell. Yes, he saw the figures, yes, he didn't look at them after a glance, but they didn't charge him. They didn't do anything; they might as well have been frozen. Chancing another glance he looked at them again, and was surprised. They were clean. No, he meant they weren't dead. No, he meant they weren't undead. Dammit! Thor was standing tall, a beam across his face, his face full and healthy, and his eyes normal. His armour was clean and shining brightly, no hint of blood or oil anywhere on it, and none on his cape. Odin was the same, his eye-patch gold and gleaming and his hair soft. Loki was confused, checking himself. He was back in his armour and leather; he had no stitches, horns, cuts or scars. There was no oil in his body and no glass instead of his eyelids. He actually felt at peace!

He looked around, letting his eyes wander. He saw the pink, swirling, smoky clouds floating around and a bright, warm sun high above his head. The land was flat, and extended beyond his vision. All that was there were the clouds, himself, and the frozen, somewhat less-evil figures. He approached them until he was standing in front of Thor, squinting and examining. His brother had a smile stuck on his face, and he was staring at nothing. How odd. He moved to Odin, who had both his legs and was also smiling, proud of something. The sceptre was held loosely in his hand, and Loki (after careful consideration), pried it from his grasp. The weight of it was heavy, and he gasped slightly, stepping back as he adjusted to its' weight. The blue in its' tip flashed, and Loki gasped again, throwing it to the ground. It thunked to the ground and the blue flash died. Confused again, he kneeled down next to it, examining it. It was perfectly balanced, the tip sharp and the gold and silver gleaming. "What is this strange artefact?" He wondered out loud, but quickly slammed his hand over his mouth as his voice echoed and became louder as it passed around the area. He swung around and looked at the figures, no they hadn't moved, but something about their faces had changed. They seemed… less pleased.

Shaken, he turned back to the sceptre on the ground, carefully dragging a finger along its' shaft. The gold seemed to gleam brighter, and the blue shined at his touch. He frowned in concentration and wrapped a hand around the shaft of it, gently lifting it off the ground. It shined and gleamed for him, and he felt strangely powerful holding it. He got to his feet, feeling a weight grow on his body. Slightly fearful, he checked himself again, gasping slightly when he saw his outfit had changed; adding gold and bronze armour plates over the leather. His head lowered under a weight of a bronze horned helmet appearing on his head. It felt so familiar, but so terrifying, as it was the same horn design as his horns he had literally had. He was so fearful that this would all fall to pieces, and the figures would rip him to pieces again. He spun around, fear on his face as he looked at the two men. Their faces seemed to be more angry, frowns on their faces and hands curled into claw-shaped talons. Their armour seemed duller, the red of Thor's cape darker, more crimson. Loki was scared, feeling shivers run up his spine and cause tremors in his helmet. His grip on the sceptre became sweaty due to sweat forming on his hands, purely from fear.  
"Y…You will not hurt me… You…" He shivered and gasped, lifting the sceptre behind his head like a bat, "YOU WILL NOT TOUCH ME EVER AGAIN!" he bellowed at the frozen figures, swinging the sceptre around with all the strength he could muster.

A hand snapped out and grabbed the blade of the sceptre before it connected with Thor's head. Loki gasped and watched a trickle of deep red blood flow down where the blade had cut into the hand of…

Who was that?

Of course he recognised her, but he couldn't remember her name, just as he hadn't been able to remember Odin's. He frowned in fear as her eyes met his, emotionless brown meeting startled, seemingly blind, emerald green.  
"What is my name, Loki?"  
Loki jerked back, releasing the sceptre and taking a step back, she had used his name. She must not be a figure. Oh thank gods. "Y-Your name is…" He trailed off, having literally no idea what her name was.  
She spun the sceptre in the air, catching the shaft in her bleeding hand, sending rolling drops of blood down the metal. She frowned and marched up to him, jabbing and digging the sharp, pointed tip into the underside of his lower jaw. He cringed and tried to dislodge his jaw from the blade, but it had cut through the skin and was locked in the hook of his lower jaw, with blood starting to softly flow.  
"What. Is my name?" She spoke slowly, anger clear in her voice. She lifted a hand to his helmet's horn and ripped it off his head, scraping his ears on the way off. She threw it to the ground with a loud BANG, causing the pleasant pink clouds to retreat and dissipate.  
"I-I-I-" Loki stammered, trying to think of her name.

Loki screamed when he felt two strong hands clamp down on his ribs. _Those_ two strong hands. He couldn't see the figures. He jerked his head sideways, ripping the blade from his jaw, drawing a line from the tip of his chin to the edge of his jawbone, just missing his jugular.  
"S-Sif! Your name is Sif!" He screamed as he tried to wriggle out of Thor's hands. He had no clue where the name had come from, but in fear and terror it had appeared, much like before with Odin.  
Sif seemed pleased with this, and lowered the sceptre. Thor's hands removed themselves from Loki's ribs, and Loki fell to his knees, gasping and holding his sides, tiny tears forming at the edges of his eyes.  
"Good job, _Loki_," She walked around behind him, picking up his fallen helmet with the sceptre, holding it in the air and swinging it around the tip, causing a horrible sound of metal on metal.  
"Why… Why are you here… Why are you using my… my name..?" Loki kept his eyes on the ground, shivering as he remembered what had happened last time Thor's hands had been on him like that. He took a second to glance around, Thor was nowhere to be seen, and neither was Odin. Had Thor even grabbed him?  
Sif pretended to ponder, bringing the sceptre to a vertical position at her side, the helmet's horn hooking into the gap between blade and blue. Her long dark hair fell gracefully around her shoulders and back, and her face was flawless.  
"No wonder you are Thor's wife…" Loki muttered what he was thinking, he wasn't jealous, oh no, he didn't like Sif. But _Thor_ would never have anything less than perfection for a bride.  
Sif frowned again, not quite hearing him but hearing enough. She ignored the muttering and put on a bemused expression, "Because that is the name you had when you were shamed out of Asgard, so it is the name that you will stick with for the rest of time."  
Loki frowned and raised his head, looking at the powerful goddess of war, "I have done nothing wrong, _Sif_," he growled. She may be stronger than him, she may be Thor's wife, but she had no right to treat him like dirt, and go a step further and rub his mistakes and failures into said dirt.  
Sif laughed, a brutal, cold laugh, "Hah! You tried to rule Asgard! You tried to rule Midgard! You cannot achieve anything. Thor was easily able to best you; Odin didn't even have to try or move! You are weak, you didn't even have the courage to stand up and take Thor's place when the All-Father fell into sleep! Oh yes, I remember that, _Loki_," she sneered at him, giving the sceptre a jerk, causing his helmet to rattle.  
Loki frowned thunder now, rage on his face, his small tears drying. He got to his feet and snarled, "Oh be silent, Sif! I never planned to rule Asgard! I just wanted recognition! And you are a fool, I never tried to rule Midgard! I simply sent the Guardian to keep Thor there!"  
"You wanted him dead so you could rule! You were going to kill your father!"  
"THAT IS A LIE!" Loki surged forwards, slamming the back of his forearm into the exposed area in Sif's neck, causing her to choke and stumble backwards, falling to the floor and letting the sceptre drop with a clatter. He breathed heavily, feeling power surge through him. It was glorious. He slyly looked at Sif, she was beneath _him_ now. Ignoring the sceptre and helmet, he marched over to where she was on the floor, gasping for air, and slammed a leather boot onto her neck, forcing her to the ground, where she started to choke.

"What was that, Sif?! A failure?! Could a failure do THIS?!" He roared and pressed his foot down as hard as he could, feeling and hearing bones start to creak and bend in the godddess' neck.  
"L-Loki, please!" She was pleading now, tears in her eyes as her hands scrabbled with Loki's boot and leather pants.  
Loki sneered, "Pathetic," he coughed a laugh and removed his boot, letting Sif roll over and grab her neck, choking and gasping for air, massaging the now forming bruise on her throat.  
Loki laughed, it felt good. He laughed louder, feeling power and joy surge through him for the first time in what felt like eons. This pathetic woman's husband and his father may scare him, but she was nothing to him. To Loki.  
"YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME!" He bellowed out what he was thinking, leaning down to roar in her face.  
She was crying now, tears rolling down her face as she gripped her own neck, purple spreading up her jaw and down her collarbone. "Loki!" She cried out, looking past him, and Loki raised a brow, straightening up. She had spoken in not a fearful way, more of a… warning way.

Loki's eyes widened as he felt a sharp stab just left of his spine, moments before a blast. He was rocketed forward, tumbling over in the air, slamming to the ground with a crunch as his armour dug into his flesh. He choked and gasped, spinning around onto one knee to face his attacker. He froze, both in stance and body temperature. It was _them_.

Thor was furious, but he wasn't as deformed as he had been, it was almost as if he had been reset. Odin shared his fury, and was holding the sceptre Loki had discarded on the ground, a foot on Loki's helmet. Odin caught Loki's eye and lowered his foot, crushing the helmet into shards with one movement. Loki's eyes widened in fear, and his gaze swept down to where Sif was. She was still choking, but she turned and looked at him, a sly smile on her face as she released her hand, showing her perfect neck. She let out another fake cough and choke before standing, smoothing her hair out with one hand.  
"Y-… You-" Loki choked out, hands falling to the ground in front of him, supporting his weight as the mental pressure of fear and anger built up inside of him.  
"Yes, I'm sorry, Loki, but did you really think you could hurt the _goddess of war_?" Sif sneered, standing next to Thor.  
Thor raised an eyebrow at Sif, "Don't apologise to him, he has done nothing but cause trouble, and even when he does, he cannot triumph."  
Odin chuckled, "Agreed, Thor. Such a pathetic waste of my time. I'm glad he's not my son."  
Loki's head whipped up and he locked eyes with Odin, "You are my father, Odin! Frigga is my mother! How could you forget this!?" he spoke with disbelief on his face.  
Odin's face fell to stone, "You were **never** my son, **_Loki_**."

Loki tried to laugh, but all that came out was a choked breath and an expression that looked more tearful than anything. "Nice joke, father! B-But-"  
Thor sneered, "You still don't get it, do you?" he walked up to the fallen Loki, kneeling so and leaning so he was eye level with his 'brother', "You, like every animal, were picked and chosen, fed and watered, taught and tamed, all the way up to the _slaughterhouse_," he whispered malice into the downed god's ear, "**_Goat_**,"  
Loki's eyes got as wide as they could physically go, tears now falling freely, "N... No..-" he wept, pleading to Thor.  
Thor sneered again, "I think you've seen far more than you deserve, Goat," he stood and waved a hand, lifting the sun, the clouds, the beautiful white into nothing, revealing that horrible place.  
Loki choked as he felt his armour fade, his leather change to the simple white clothes and he screamed as he saw the chain he had for so long worn appear in front of him.  
"Be quiet!" Thor backhanded Loki, sending him rolling and skidding across the floor, where he lay in a heap, sobbing.  
Loki felt his horns return, slowly at first, but they then burst out, sending intense pain and pressure through his skull and neck. They were followed by his stitches, except this time, a needle appeared in front of him, and before he could do anything, it speared his cheek, and once again, started to sew his mouth tightly shut.

"N-No! I wish to speak! Get it out!" He screamed and clawed at the needle and thread, ripping his own flesh as he tried to remove the stitches that were appearing. What had happened to the power he had felt when standing over Sif? Where was his courage? He tried to remain strong, but whether intentionally by the figures or not, memories of what had happened ran through his head like a cursed film reel. Oil, blood, tears and semen ran through and soaked the reel, sending the colours askew and the quality to turn pixelated and glitched. His face fell just as his hands did when it got to the violation. He shut his eyes as tight as he could, trying to blur it out, but all he could do was watch from someone else's point of view as he was used and abused on the ground. The needle finished its' job, fading into nothing, leaving Loki with a tightly shut mouth. When it was over Loki frowned, the film didn't stop, it continued. He saw himself wake up in that room, seeing it as though he the fourth person in the room. His eyes were flashing black and white, and he physically raised a hand unconsciously to his pale eyes, touching the skin covering them. His eyelids were wet. He continued to mentally watch his conversation with Tony Stark, smiling wearily at the banter. When Tony left and Richard returned he watched carefully, seeing them strike a deal.

He had made a deal.

His eyes snapped open, ending the reel and allowing him to see the three figures in front of him. His horns were heavy, his stitches cold like ice, and his body heavy with oil. The two major cuts he had receive also appeared, one across his nose and one under his jawline. He smiled, or as much he could with his ruined face, staring into the eyes of Odin, who was standing in the middle of the three. They looked confused, angry with how Loki was reacting.

Loki had never planned even once in his life for him to do what he was about to do. He stood, reached out, grabbed the sceptre from Odin's stunned grasp, and lifted the blade to his throat, smiling one last time before swiftly drawing a line across his throat.

He fell to the ground, smiling and choking as blood and oil ran into his mouth and down his neck, choking him. He twitched for a moment, before lying still, eyes wide open, body sprawled on the ground, the bloody sceptre lying next to him. Blood ran down his cheeks from the cuts, stitches and blood flowing from his mouth, his horns cracking and falling to pieces around and in his long hair.

The figures could do nothing but stare, emotionless, as they watched Loki kill himself.


	7. Man and his Beast(Mannfolk eða hans Dýr)

_Title content and format changed as it is more of a Richard chapter. But hey, you get some silly Thor and some calm Loki. As well as the introduction of a later character._

_Thanks as always, hope you enjoy, and hope I don't hate this chapter tomorrow and edit the hell out of it. I never submit "hot off the press", but this is the closest I've gotten, finished this a few hours ago. Usually I wait at least a night._

_Later (❤) - Hades_

* * *

**Man and his Beast**

_Mannfolk eða hans Dýr_

"Whaf happened to 'ou?"

"_Please _do not speak to me when your mouth is full. I understand the meat is _delicious_, but for god's sake there are such things as _manners_."

"I apologise, but there is no need to be sharp, Audolf, also, why are you forsaking the gods?"

"It's an _expression_, Thor."

"I do not understand."

"Nevermind! Just get your feet off my chair!"

"Very well. Be calm."

"Thank you. Ahh. I am so tired, _phew_."

"Rest, I shall keep watch over Loki."

"You know that is a terrible idea, Thor."

"How so?"

"Nevermind."

"Regardless, I ask again, what happened to your face? Were you in a brawl?"

"That's one way to put it."

"Do you need medical assistance? There is a little blood there."

"No, it's just a bruise and a couple of scratches."

"I see a bite on your collarbone."

"That too."

"Were you attacked by an animal in this building? Do you wish me to hunt it?"

"No thanks. She's safe."

"She? You keep a female beast in the premises? Bold, especially when I have seen some of the other humans that roam this area."

"Look closer, Thor."

"What an odd bite. Wait… is it human?"

"Yes."

"Why would a human bite another!"

"She's always been like that, don't worry about it. I simply got in the way of an adventure, plus I surprised her, so she reacted. Simple. Not the worst she's done either. Once I had a broken foot and arm after trying to get her to give me her favourite toy."

"Oh, she is a patient?"

"You could say that."

"If she is that violent, why isn't she locked down like Loki?"

"She would go insane if she was stuck in a room constantly."

"Haha! I understand the joke, very humorous, Audolf."

"_Great_, Thor, _great_."

* * *

Thor awoke with a start; it was dark in the room. Throwing the warm-but-still-hospital-esque sheets aside he rose beside his low-set bed. Down to his minimal leather armour, he frowned, something wasn't right. He flicked the light switch, illuminating the room and showing… nothing. Nothing was out of order. The blankets on his bed were messy, but apart from that everything was just as it had been before he had slept. His eyes swept the room, moving over the table with Mjölnir placed at the ready, his boots next to the bed, the light switch and its' partner light, indented in the roof above his head, and the simple door. It was a plain room, meant simply for guests who weren't patients to sleep in. He sighed and rubbed his eyes with his hand, feeling the bags under his eyes. He had woken up like this for as long as Loki had been in the building. Mostly incoherent dreams with an underlying theme of darkness and terror, but occasionally it was clear enough to understand, somewhat. Tonight's dream had been fuzzy and blurred, with gold, green and black flashing most common in the seizure-inducing rainbow of fog that had been his dream. There had been muttering too, he recognised it as his brother's, as well as some other familiar voices. There had been one voice he hadn't heard before, but he ignored it, still annoyed that he couldn't recall anything they had said, though most of it had been incoherent regardless.

He relaxed into sitting on his bed, running a hand through his long, blonde hair. His eyes drooped and he sighed again, letting his face fall into his hands, elbows balanced on his legs. He doubted he would sleep again tonight, so after a deep breath he stood again, taking a step and running his hand along Mjölnir's shaft, feeling the familiar binding around its' handle. He felt calm at its' touch, though still tired, and moved to the door, leaving his hammer behind. Carefully turning the handle as to not to cause noise and wake up any other sleeping guests, Thor moved into the hallway, clicking shut the door behind him. Mentally marking which was his room in the hall of mirrored doors, he passed through the hallway, attempting to be as silent as possible; which he managed, which he thought was pretty good for the god of thunder. Chuckling noiselessly at his joke, he left the hallway and made his way through the maze of doors into the private lobby (with the help of the card Richard had given him to unlock the doors), where he resided most of the time. It was still alight, and there was one of the doctors asleep against the armrest of the couch he was sitting on, book on lap and cold coffee on table beside him. It wasn't Richard, Thor noted, and moved to his regular seat, near the window, though it was currently dark. He collapsed into it and let his head fall back against the soft material, eyes closing. His ear twitched when he heard a soft scamper of feet, and his eyes opened again, surveying the area. Still the same lobby, couches, tables, Midgard plastic-paper books (magazines, Richard had called them), and the sleeping man, who hadn't changed his soft breathing. Brow creasing, Thor began to worry, "Hello?" he spoke as softly as he could, but his gruff voice still managed to echo throughout the room, though it didn't stir the sleeping man. Thor listened intently, ears pricked for a noise, body half tense, though still in a relaxed position. A few minutes passed and nothing changed, in environment and in Thor himself, they were at a standstill.

Eventually one of them broke, and Thor let out his held breath, letting his muscles relax again. Almost immediately after, another gasp of a breath was barely heard, and Thor's eyes narrowed. He stood, rolling his shoulders and wandering towards where he heard the noise. As he approached where he thought it was, his face turned sly, the gasp had sounded much too young to be a threat, perhaps it was a doctor's child. It may even be the sleeping man's son or daughter. But regardless, he didn't need to fear or even prepare for it.

Or so he thought.

As he rounded the couch he had heard the noise, hand on the back and head and half his body twisted around to grin at the hiding person, he was shocked to find himself instantly stumbling back, a sharp pain just above his crotch from the kick he had received. Taking a moment to regain himself, he raised his arms, ready to fight. The hiding position behind the couch was empty, and Thor frowned deeply. They were quick, that was certain. "Show yourself! You need not fear me, but if it a fight you want, then be at it!" Thor spoke at his normal volume, which unfortunately woke the sleeping man, who jerked forwards, sending his book to the floor.  
He rubbed his eyes, looking up and checking where he was, "Wha… Oh. You're Richard's guest. The one who's with the patient in lockdown," his eyes were still drooped and he yawned, checking his watch.  
Thor relaxed only slightly, turning to the man, "Yes, I am Tho- Dr Audolf's guest. Tell me; is there a beast in this room?"  
The man raised an eyebrow, "Uh, no? We don't keep animals here. The only time we have an animal in the area is out in the courtyard, and even then it's a strictly trained dog," he seemed uncomfortable around Thor, understandably, standing and bending over to retrieve his book.  
Thor frowned again, "What of that girl Audolf told me about? The one that caused his wounds?"  
The man chuckled, understanding as he picked up his cold coffee, "Oh, you mean Grid. She may be around, she rarely sleeps at night, and she has an uncanny knack for appearing wherever you think she's not."  
It was Thor's turn to raise an eyebrow, but he stayed silent, filing the questions arising for consultation with Richard later.  
"Now if you don't mind, my back is killing me, it's three-thirty in the morning, and I need a few more hours rest before seeing my patients. Goodbye." The man walked past Thor and exited the second door to the lobby, one that led down to the doctor's quarters.  
Thor frowned once again, turning completely around and scanning the room. The girl he had spoken of was nowhere to be seen, or heard, as his ears picked up. "Reveal yourself, child," his voice was stone, the memory of the kick still in his stomach muscles.

There was a clatter behind him, but by the time he heaved his heavy body around, all he saw was a flash of orange-red and a slamming door.

* * *

"Richard, awaken! I need you to help me find the Asgardian named girl!"

Richard Audolf's eyes opened wide, veins of red stretching towards his iris, darkness shadowing his eyes. He had finally gotten asleep for the first time in two, almost three, days, only to awoken by a roaring Thor. He slammed his eyes open and shut a few times, feeling pain as they begged to be closed forever to be able to rest. He rolled over in his bed, squinting at the light and trying to view the silhouette of the man standing in the doorway.  
"I swear, if it's anything other than someone **_dying_**, I am going to-"  
"Richard, come with me! I am sorry for waking you up, but this is urgent, this girl is plaguing me!" Thor thundered away, marching into the room and crossing his arms, waiting for Richard to get out of bed.  
Richard could feel his temper about to snap, which was rare for him, being a doctor of the mind and all, but then again, sleep and food deprivation, as well as stress, really thinned his tolerance for taking crap from "gods". That, and his eye and nose still hurt from being slammed into. "_Thor, I need sleep,_" he spoke bluntly, voices laced with sting, hoping Thor would get the message.  
Thor frowned, "I realise that, doctor, but she will not leave me be. No other person will help me, so I came to you, as you said I could," he had hoped this would be quick, then Richard could go back to sleep, but he was painfully prolonging it.

Richard sighed, shutting his eyes one last time and wrenching himself into sitting position, legs over the side of the bed, toes touching the ground. He had the most decent bed in the facility, luckily enough. He pulled his simple white pyjama sleeve down, and fixed his clothes so they were less wrinkled and messy. Thor watched impatiently. After Richard finished he looked up at Thor, eyes squinted, elbows on legs and hands hanging between legs, "Right. So what is it you want? Something about a girl?" his voice was weary, his short brown-grey hair messy, and his eyelids drooped.  
Thor nodded, "Yes, the beast-girl that attacked you, I need you to find and detain her."  
Richard squinted more, confusion on his face, "Wait, Grid? Why?"  
"She will not stop ghosting me. And she kicked me."  
Richard raised an eyebrow, "So you got me up at-" he glanced at the digital clock next to his bed, "four in the morning, to catch a mentally deranged girl who _kicked you_?"  
"Yes."

Richard groaned and put his head in his hands, "Fine, you know what, fine, I can go and check on Loki while we're at it. Just let me get some Modafinil."  
Thor smiled happily, "Good, good! What is Modafin-EL though? Will it help your intelligence?"  
Richard put on an angry face of disbelief, his tired mind had processed that differently, "_It will help me wake the hell up, **Thor. And no, but it might help me deal with yours.**_"  
Thor blinked, surprised at the hostility, "No need to be rude, doctor."  
Richard waved a hand, the other covering his eyes from the light, "Whatever, just get out while I get changed."  
Thor nodded, and left the room, closing the door behind him.  
Richard sighed, raised a hand, and turned off the light, letting darkness take over the room again. He pushed himself up with his hands on his legs and moved towards his closet. It was a walk-in closet, and he closed the door behind him and turned up the dial light, as to not hurt his eyes again. Picking out a simple grey coat over long-sleeved top and long dark grey pants, he changed his clothes, trying to go as slowly as possible. What had Grid done this time? Dammit, could he not get one night's sleep he so desperately needed? He actually envied Loki, sleeping so much. He considered next time taking the sedative himself. He occasionally took some of the medicine they gave the patients, but purely to help him sleep, wake up, or concentrate. His mind wandered as he pulled his pants up over his briefs and tightened his belt, he had taken a hallucinogen once. Once. He was almost admitted himself after that fiasco. Finishing his prolonged clothes change, he bundled up his pyjamas and put them in the wash basket. Moving to the third draw on the second wardrobe, he lifted his socks (removing a pair to wear), and shifted around the various pill and liquid medicine bottles and boxes. Finding the drug he needed, he removed three tablets, put the box back to its' hidden position under the socks, and walked out of the closet, turning off the light, tablets in one hand, socks in the other.

He picked up his glass of water from beside the bed and popped the tablets in his mouth. He had no problem with dry-swallowing, but it would leave a taste in his mouth, and it would leave his throat dry. He swallowed the tablets with the help of the water and closed his eyes, waiting a minute to let his stomach settle after taking tablets without food. After his stomach calmed down he moved to his shoes beside the bed and sat down, sinking into the soft mattress. His was one of the rare non-hospital beds, with a real mattress, sheets and pillow. Sliding his socks over his feet he pulled on his shoes and stood. His shoes had no laces, the same as everyone else who was part of the staff. Patients could take their laces or even use then to hurt themselves or others. It had happened before, with Grid no less. Grabbing his keys, he approached the exit.

He opened the door into the hallway, glancing at Thor as he exited his room. He turned and locked his door behind him, and faced Thor, waiting.  
Thor had waited patiently, but he was starting to get annoyed at Richard's slowness. He tapped his foot once when he saw Richard leave his room, but put on a happy expression when faced, "Thank you, Audolf, now, what can you tell me about the Asgardian-named beast-girl?"  
Richard squinted, this time because of Thor's question, not because of the bright light in the hallway, "Asgardian… What do you mean?"  
"Grid, it is Asgardian."  
Richard raised his hands, "Sure, I'll ask later, what do you want to know?"  
"Why does she follow me so?"  
"She is interested by you, probably by look and scent. Yes, you probably smell much different than any of the staff or other patients."  
"Interesting. How do I get her to stop followi-" Thor's head whipped around, eyes scanning the corner of the hallway, he could have sworn he had seen two large eyes in the side of his vision.  
Richard raised an eyebrow, "Thor? Are you sure you're okay? I can give you something similar to what I gave Loki if it'll make you feel better," _and help everyone who comes across you to actually fall and stay asleep_ he mentally added.  
Thor shook his head, "Yes! I know she is here!" he seemed intent on finding the girl, so Richard sighed, running a hand through his hair to smooth it out.  
"Alright. Come with me," Richard turned and walked down the opposite side of the corridor Thor had been staring at, turning a corner and going through a door. Thor followed reluctantly, eyes still sweeping the area around him.

They kept weaving through the maze of hallways, all the way into the patient's rooms. Richard led, picking out the room at the end, jiggling the handle to show the lock was broken. Thor raised an eyebrow, "Why not fix it?"  
"It wouldn't do anything, she would break it again. Besides, we don't actually mind her running about; it can be quite gratifying if she's in a good mood." Richard pushed the door open, revealing an upturned bed frame, a curled and ripped mattress in the corner heaped with blankets and pillows, various clothes on the floor and an odd smell. Richard frowned, "Dammit, she's been sneaking food again," he moved to the makeshift bed, lifting a sheet and watching as pillows tumbled away.  
Thor stood next to him, confused and uneasy with the environment he was in. He watched Richard paw around in the pile, completely at ease with going through what looked like a lion's den. Thor put a hand on the doctor's shoulder, "We don't have to be here, I just asked-" he was nervous, but was cut off by the investigating man.  
"She usually leaves it here at night, so it's a good bargaining chip if she's pulling a stunt like she is on you. That, and I want to get rid of any food she has here." Richard ignored Thor, pulling a pillow up and shaking its' case, a half-eaten apple rolling onto the floor. Rolling his eyes he kept going, planning to pick it up later. He found what he was looking for, a frayed and limp toy.  
Thor raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms, "This is what will stop her? A simple plaything?" he sounded sceptical.  
Richard rolled his eyes again and held it around its' sausage-like stomach, walking out of the room (picking the apple up on the way out) and waiting outside for Thor.  
Thor took one last look around the unease-inducing den, then left, thankful to be out of there. He waited for the doctor to close the door again, and then followed him back down the hallway. "How is this going to help?" Thor was starting to get impatient, and actually pulled the toy from Richard's grip, holding it up to look at it. It was a simple sausage dog soft toy, half filled with beads. Its' button eyes seemed to glow, one half hanging off by a thread.  
Richard shifted uncomfortably, "Well I guess that's one way to get her here…" he mumbled, before turning and calling out to no one in particular, "Grid! I know you're there, if you want your toy back then come up and say sorry for hurting this man!"

Richard flinched forwards and covered his head when another of the patient's room doors slammed against the wall with a thundering bang as it was hurled open, revealing a blur that jumped onto Thor's back, trying to snatch the toy from his grasp.  
Thor flinched as well, but as soon as he felt the pressure on his back he swung his arm around, grabbing what he thought was the scruff of the thing on him, prising it off him and whirling it in front of him, holding it off the ground. He frowned.

It was a girl with startlingly long red-orange hair curling around her body and frizzing off at odd angles.

* * *

"Right, so, Loki? You awake yet?" Richard walked through the door, yawning slightly. After a gruelling and somewhat painful (to him) introduction of Grid to Thor, he planned a quick visit to Loki and then back to bed for… an hour and a half. _Great_. The medication had worked, waking him up and making him feel more alert, but he could still feel the underlying "GO TO SLEEP" his body was telling him. He approached Loki's table, still lost in thought until he snapped back into focus, surprised with what he saw.

Loki's eyes were wide open, staring directly at the light; Richard could almost swear he could see the veins in his eyes as they protested looking at the bright light. The rest of Loki was odd, he was completely tense, his jaw locked and his arms stuck out straight against the restraints. His eyes were glassy and unfocused, and tiny beads of sweat had formed on his forehead.  
"Loki? Loki?" Richard kept repeating his patient's name, daring to raise a hand to shield Loki's eyes from the light, which caused the man to snap his eyes shut with such a force Richard swore he could hear them close.  
Loki panted out a breath, and Richard realised he probably hadn't been breathing, "Loki? What happened?"

Loki opened his eyes and swung his head around, investigating the area and locking eyes with the doctor. It was a couple of very awkward minutes before he spoke, still panting, "I… I did it… I won…" his face split into a relieved smile, though Richard would have felt more at ease if he knew why he was smiling.  
"What did you win?"  
Loki's brow creased, and he felt the sweat on it, frowning more, "I beat them. I cannot go back if I am not alive," he chuckled out a dry, croaking laugh. An off-putting laugh.  
Richard looked worryingly shocked, "You're dead? You don't seem dead, Loki."  
"No, no, I am dead in my mind! They can defile my body all they want! I cannot feel it!" Loki laughed again, letting his head fall back against the pillow, eyes closing and happiness on his face.  
Richard was still worried, "Can you tell me exactly what happened?"  
Loki stopped laughing and wondered for a moment, "Release me, and I shall tell. Do not worry, I am in a wondrous mood, all I wish to do is wipe my brow and celebrate!" he smiled innocently at the doctor, truth emanating from his face.  
Richard was pleased and believed he wouldn't hurt him, but he was still concerned by what Loki had said. He nodded, "But only your top half until I am certain," he warned Loki as he undid the buckle below the table under Loki's left wrist.  
Loki nodded, "Understandably."  
Richard continued undoing Loki's restraints, but always keeping his eyes on the pleased man. He finished undoing Loki's stomach/pelvis strap and moved behind Loki's head again.  
Loki slightly tensed up, once again, but he was more curious than anything, expecting the pillow to be bent again.  
Richard chuckled, "It's more than a simple table," he unlocked a clip under the table's structure, lifting the top half of the bed into a more vertical position, allowing Loki to sit up, legs still bound.  
Loki raised an eyebrow, "Why thank you," he snorted a smooth laugh and lifted his pre-released arm to wipe the now cold sweat of his forehead. Wiping his hand on his pants, he looked at his other arm, which hadn't moved yet. He groaned as he attempted to move it, pain mixed with pins and needles shooting through his joints. Shaking his head in frustration, he lurched forwards, moving all the parts of his body he could.  
Richard jerked slightly, not ready for Loki's action, but 'tsch'd when he saw Loki groan again as his body protested.

It took a few minutes of stretching and cracking of bones to stop the pain in Loki's body, but eventually he was able to move it, though creakingly so. He relaxed back into the bed, resting his head against the pillow, enjoying himself. He remembered his deal and sighed, "I am taken somewhere when I sleep."  
Richard raised an eyebrow, but moved to the table and sat down, this may not be a short trip after all.  
"Thor is there. As is the All-Father, Odin," Loki continued, pausing as he heard a quiet "I knew it" from Richard, but he kept going, "A long story made short, I ended my life in that pit of darkness."  
Richard raised both brows this time, "You consciously committed suicide in a dream?"  
Loki nodded, smiling, "Yes."  
Richard was worried, "It is more than a dream, Loki, you hallucinate those bad things sometimes. As in, you actually experience them awake. It's why I've had to put you to sleep so often, I had hoped you would be calmer in your mind during sleep."  
Loki frowned, "It won't happen again will it? Both of those, the hallucinating and the being put to sleep?"  
Richard sighed, rubbing his eyes, but he looked back up and smiled, "I have medicine that you can take instead of injections that will stop the hallucinations, which means you won't have to be put to sleep."  
Loki's eyes shifted, thinking, as he looked at Richard, "Audolf, give me that medicine immediately. Fix the voices and thoughts," he spoke bluntly, as if it were a quick fix. Richard sighed.  
"It's not that easy, Loki, you will have to stay here for a long time, slowly getting better. It's like a wound, it needs to heal."  
Loki frowned again, "Hm. So be it," he let his head fall against the pillow again and closed his eyes, breathing slowly.

Richard looked away, slightly sad, it is a shame he can't fix people's illnesses as quick as Loki wanted, he wished he could too, but it simply wasn't realistic. He thought for a moment, before speaking, "Would you like to see Thor? I told him he could see you when you were unbound and well enough, it's been tough for him too."

Loki looked at him again, his face betraying nothing, "Bring him in," his voice was emotionless.


	8. Lygi (Lie)

_I apologize for the slightly late update. I just finished my exam week, plus I lost over half of this chapter. I then found it later, but after I had frustratingly re-written it from memory. Which kind of annoyed me to the point where I left it for a while. But hey, it's here, it's short, and it's an actual spike in excitement (god forbid this story has those)._

_But yes, I'm sorry it's shorter than usual, but I needed to end it there. I'll make it up by uploading the next chapter earlier._

_Lovin' any new followers/favourites/everything, as always, and hope you continue to enjoy this story._

_Later ❤ - Hades_

**_ A FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT ASKGOAT ON TUMBLR IS THIS STORY'S ASKBLOG (and can foreshadow the story, as well as (sometimes) pretty art)  
_**

* * *

**Lygi**

_Lie_

Three vicious bites, five kicks and two solid punches to the jaw later; Thor was well acquainted with 'Grid'. He was currently hovering over his breakfast on the staff cafeteria table; two fried eggs and a piece of toast. Not hungry, he pushed one of the eggs across the plate with his fork, wincing when the bite on his forearm flared up from the movement. His eyelids drooped; his body had finally come to the realisation that he had woken up in the middle of the night, been harassed, and then spent the rest of it harassing other people. His body was weak as it was; he hadn't left the building in a long time, or even trained or stretched it. Eventually he had to eat, and he knew this, so he forced down bite after bite until it was just the last bite of toast, which is when Richard appeared, a happy look on his face for the first time in… forever. Quickly eating the piece of toast before talking, as per Richard's earlier request, he questioned, "You seem pleased," he raised a tired brow, leaning on the table with his elbows.  
Richard focused on him, though ignoring the obvious wounds, and slid into the seat on the opposite side of the table, "Well, my body has finally realised it's not getting back to sleep today, and has begun running on empty. And drugs," he chuckled, "Also, you can see Loki if you wish!"  
Thor had lowered his eyes to the crumbs on his plate, spacing out, but came to attention when Richard mentioned Loki. He kept the tired expression on his face and wearily raised an eyebrow, "Oh? That is wonderful, Audolf," his gaze fell back to the plate and his eyelids drooped.  
Richard raised a brow this time, "You aren't as… _enthusiastic_ as last time. Is everything okay?"  
Thor didn't look at him, but caught a breadcrumb on the end of his finger, raising it to his face to examine it, "Everything is fine, Audolf, I am simply weary. I apologise, but I have had trouble sleeping as of late."  
Richard frowned ever so slightly at the parallels between 'brothers', but nodded, "We all have, now, would you like to see him or not?"  
Thor flicked the breadcrumb down and focused on Richard properly, straightening his back, "Yes, lead."

* * *

Loki was frustrated, he had been trying to disappear and reappear out of his lower bindings, but he didn't seem to be able to tap into his magic source. He tried to change his clothes, something, anything, to show he still had his magic. All he received was a sharp sting in his heart, causing him to wince and groan. Slamming a hand down on his heart brutally stopped the pain, but awoke something new. When he had committed suicide he hadn't felt pain, as it seemed he was unable to intentionally cause physical pain to himself while on that plane. Now however, a sharp jolt of _his own pain_ had echoed throughout him briefly, before everything went neutral again. He breezed through his memories of what had happened recently to keep him grounded, if he could prove to Richard and "Thor" that he was of sane mind, then they might let him go. He had ended his life, and then Audolf had been there. He hadn't felt bad, he had felt free, and it was nice. He remembered that Audolf had been bruised and scratched, and he remembered wondering silently about it. His body had hurt when he moved it, but it was well stretched now.

He remembered the last part before Richard had left; he was going to get Thor.

Thoughts returning to his internal magic-struggle, perhaps these bindings are restricting his powers? He reached down and pulled on his leg restraint, frowning when it held fast. He had seen Richard unbuckle them, but he couldn't reach over the bed and unclip them himself. Growling with rising frustration he slammed his fist down onto the binding, sending spears of pain through his body. He snapped his eyelids shut and arched his body, feeling the realness of the pain. It was real. What had happened in that pit wasn't.

But he had control over the pain here, no mortal could harm him. It was _his_.

He smiled curtly to himself, lifting a finger to his mouth to bite it, feeling his teeth sink into it. He had control over this. The pain in his finger grew, and he felt his teeth pierce the skin. Almost enjoying the control he had over his own misery here, he began to move his other hand down to his leg restraints, to jolt it again.

His thoughts were smashed when the door slid open and Richard entered again, and he whipped his finger out of his mouth, slicing it and leaving heavy indentations of his teeth. Sliding it under his legs he smiled at the doctor, before peering around him to view Thor. The man looked uncomfortable, shifting his eyes and trying not to look at Loki sitting upright on the table.  
"Well come on in,_ brother_," Loki's voice dripped with malice. He could abuse this Thor as much as he wanted to the super powered figure-Thor, and he would.  
Thor shifted again, moving around Richard and staring Loki dead in the eyes. He frowned, "What happened to your eyes? Are you blind?"  
Loki chuckled, "No, unfortunately, though it looks like you had a run in with a particularly angry beast," he kept staring at Thor, trying to make him feel uncomfortable.  
Thor broke first; he looked away at Richard, who had been watching closely, "Richard, you said he was somewhat healthy. He looks dead," he ignored the unnerving feeling he felt; similar to when he had been in Grid's room.  
Loki frowned, "I am NOT dead. Not here. But aha, you will have a surprise when you find my corpse in that _pit_!"  
Richard frowned now, "Loki, Thor doesn't want to hurt you, he never has," he glanced at Thor, flashing him a dark look, "You are in the real world now, not in that pit, you are safe. There is no need to be harsh."  
Loki smirked, looking at Richard now, "Never has?" he muttered slyly, trying to set seeds of doubt in Richard's mind.  
Thor growled, and moved forwards now, in front of Richard, pain flaring from his bites, kicks and scratches, "I never have, Loki, and you know it! I did nothing but care for you! You were the one that came to Earth to destroy and rule it!"  
Loki frowned and raised his lip into a snarl, "How many times do I have to keep telling you, figure or not, I NEVER CAME TO **MIDGARD**!" he yelled at Thor, "I am here now, but that is because you brought me here as some sort of… of… punishment!" he was clearly furious now, oblivious to the recent events on Earth, so Richard stepped in, standing between them, though he realised the danger.

"Stop," Richard raised his hands to each man, eyes flickering between them to determine which was more dangerous, "Loki, tell us what you do remember, Thor, admit that you hurt him, even if you didn't mean to," his voice was blunt, his tone harsh.  
Thor narrowed his eyes at the doctor, but spoke, "I apologise if I hurt you in any way, _brother_, but your recent actions _on Midgard_ have shown that I am not solely to blame for your destruction."  
Loki matched Thor's narrowed eyes, keeping them on the blonde. He panted slightly, still excited from his outburst, "You will never be sorry enough for what you have done to me, " his voice dripped with an unspoken horror, one that Thor could only imagine what Loki thought he had done, "I remember you and _father_ pleasantly letting me _fall into a pit of darkness!_ You kept me there! But no, it wasn't enough to _defile me_, body and soul! You rubbed it in, you and that _whore of a wife,__** Sif**_!" Loki bellowed now, and Richard dared to raise a hand to block Loki's dagger-like view of Thor. A small trickle of blood from Loki's finger had started to show beside him.  
Thor stumbled back, horror on his face, almost the same as when he had first seen Loki snap, but then, it had been more animalistic, this was directed at _him_. His eyes were wide and confused, "L-Loki! I never let you fall! You let go!"  
Loki's panting cut short, and he weaved around Richard's hand to stare at Thor, but now in anger mixed with confusion, "What are you talking about?" he spat.  
Richard looked as well, worry on his face, "Thor, is this the time…" he muttered, trying to tell him to stop now, before it went even more into hell.  
Thor sighed, ignoring Richard, concern still clear on his face, "You tried to destroy an entire world, Loki! I had to stop you. We had fallen, and our fath… Odin, held us. You… You let go and fell into that hole yourself," he looked down, clenching his jaw, arms limp at his sides.  
"You're _lying_," Loki was spitting in anger now, short growls escaping and eyes glazing over.  
Richard saw this and moved to Loki's side, carefully putting a hand on the trembling man's shoulder, he realised the risk, but Loki needed physical contact, "Loki. Loki, it's okay. Thor, I think it's time to leave."  
Thor frowned in sadness, guilt in his eyes, but turned without a word and left quickly.

Richard stayed with Loki until his breathing returned to normal, muttering words of encouragement and calm. He had seen the blood and was worried, but after seeing it was just his finger, he decided to ask and treat it later. Loki had started to weep, but anger was still on his face, "T-They…" he growled, unable to think.  
Richard kept a firm hand on Loki's shoulder, "Whatever they did, it's over. It's in the past. What you do now is _you_. Not them. Are you going to let a memory or thought control you?" he attempted to make sense in a way Loki would understand, but not knowing his personality beforehand made it extremely hard to determine what to say. He didn't want to sedate him, that would just make things worse, but Loki was in no state to consensually accept medication.  
Loki looked down, eyes flittering from side to side as he thought. After a moment, he raised his head and looked at Richard, eyes wet, "I… No. They won't. You can tell Thor to go jump off a rainbow bridge, "He laughed at that, a sobbing, cracking laugh. Once it started, it didn't stop, and he bent over, hands holding himself as he laughed and laughed, tears still streaming down his cheeks.  
Richard was and looked very worried, but understood that laughing would help him. Sighing, he rubbed Loki's shoulder, looking away.  
Loki just kept on going until he couldn't breathe, choking, torso bent over onto his legs as he sobbed and gasped, a broken smile on his face.

* * *

Thor had stumbled and pushed his way outside, ignoring the angry guards who thought he was a patient. His face contorted in worry he looked at the sky, clouds of grey glaring in the overcast sky. It was cold, and small specks of snow had begun to fall. A tear rolled down his cheek and he fell to his knees, head bowed. It was his fault. If he had just _cared_. If he had just _noticed_. None of this would have happened; all those people wouldn't have died. They could still be a family. Taking a shuddering breath he felt anger rise in him, it was his fault. His fault. His fault. HIS FAULT.

He raised a hand, face deformed into fury, and waited and listened as the smashing and breaking of stone and concrete as his beloved hammer came racing towards him. He heard a cry of pain as someone was caught, but his mind had fogged over with anger and guilt. He didn't care; just add them to the pile. Maybe if the amount of lives he had taken was closer to Loki's, he might feel better. More equal. HIS FAULT. _You killed thousands._

Mjölnir flew to his hand, a crack of thunder resounding when it made contact. More concrete and parts of the building fell, more screams were heard. _This is nothing, remember the frost giants. _Thor got to his feet, eyes darkened. He began to march forwards, towards the pine forest surrounding the facility. He kept going, thoughts growing darker, until he came to a clearing, a light covering of snow on the ground. It was too peaceful, too happy. Unlike what he had caused. HIS FAULT.

Roaring, he raised his hammer and brought it down, sending the ground cracking and rolling around him. A bolt of lightning came down and struck nearby, felling a tree into another and setting them both alight. Stones flew, trees fell and the sky around him darkened and cracked. There was a screeching as birds escaped and wildlife fled for their lives. The trees burnt brightly, melting the light snow and catching onto their close neighbours. The ground was scorched and had shattered and warped, a huge crater expanding past the small clearing, causing the trees around to bend at odd angles due to the shaken ground.

He stood among the carnage he had caused, eyes staring into space, panting.

"My fault."


End file.
